099: Ben Pitcher - Foundations of Family of God

Automatically transcribed. Accuracy is good but not perfect, and words are sometimes wrong. Trust the audio over the text.

1. 0:00

   Welcome to the Good Christadelphian Talks podcast. I'm Levi. And I'm Chris. Thank you so much for joining us this week. On this podcast, we select one talk a week to help each one of us get the Bible in our daily news feed. And we post at the start of each week for you to listen with a short intro beforehand to kind of set the stage for the talk you're about to hear.

2. 0:33

   And now let's hear more about this week's talk. Welcome back to Good Christadelphian Talks podcast. This is Brother Brian Adams, and I'm joined with me by my beautiful wife, Rachel Adams. We'd like to once again thank Levi and Chris for their continued efforts with this labor of love. They are taking a short hiatus, but they will be back, I believe, next week or the week after for their historic 100th episode.

3. 1:05

   Rachel, would you like to introduce the talk? Sure. So today's talk is given by Brother Ben Pitcher out of Bible School in 2017 as a part of the series Growing Godly Families. And today's talk is the first class of the series called Foundations of the Family of God. And in this class and throughout the series, Brother Ben offers biblical principles for raising families loaded with a ton of practical application and strategies.

4. 1:30

   So you might hear the title that it's, you know, Foundations of the Family of God and think, well, that's that's not me. I'm not at this stage of my life, my discipleship where I'm raising a family yet, or you might very well make the choice to not be raising a family or even be past that point where, you know, you have finished raising children.

5. 1:53

   So you might think this doesn't apply to you, but the spiritual application that Brother Ben goes into does apply to anyone and everyone within the Ecclesia, no matter what your situation. Yeah. Any lesson that we learn about natural families from the Bible can always apply to our spiritual family in Christ. So like Brian said, it's definitely for everybody, because even if you may not feel like you're actively involved with kids right now, you still may be in the Sunday school one day.

6. 2:21

   You still may teach Bible school classes one day. And even you might be a grandparent one day to kids if you think, you know, your kids are already grown. And one of the reasons that I listened to this series initially when I had first had my daughter was because I was looking for resources about raising kids and raising families.

7. 2:38

   And there are a ton of books out there, and some of them we read and they were quite helpful. But what I loved about this series was it was all based on godly principles. And Brother Ben is not dogmatic at all in his approach and what he suggests. One of the things that he says in one of the classes, I can't remember if it's this first one, is that parents can use all different strategies and techniques to help raise their kids.

8. 3:00

   And every family is going to be different. But one of the things we can do as parents and as brothers and sisters in Christ is share things that have been effective and helpful for us. And that's important what you just mentioned about there being different techniques, because there's definitely not a cookie cutter one size fits all in order for young parents to be trying to raise their families to have a love of God.

9. 3:21

   What Rach and I appreciated was we both have a background in teaching and a big aspect of successfully helping kids learn is modeling for them, showing them by example how to do a certain task or what it is that you'd like them to be coming to a conclusion about. And that comes out a lot in these classes, how you model for your family what it is to have faith, how you model having a godly principle in your mind.

10. 3:51

    And that absolutely translates into the ecclesia, where you're modeling for other people, whether you have family or not, best practices for living our faith. Definitely. And like Brian said, we both have education backgrounds professionally, and I haven't returned to work as a teacher full time since having our daughter, but I have been doing early intervention, which involves a lot of coaching parents on how to eliminate challenging behaviors from their children's daily routines and promoting positive behaviors.

11. 4:20

    And this entire series is just literally packed with so many good strategies and techniques that I would even encourage to get a group of parents together and listen to this series. That really might be the hidden gem behind all this. When you are thinking about baptism, there's always baptism classes that you take beforehand to be prepared and then support after.

12. 4:44

    And in the situation where you're looking to get married, hopefully you're also afforded the opportunity to have marriage classes by others in the ecclesia. Rachel and I think it'd be a great idea to actually have a group of young families listen to these classes together that you can then encourage one another and share your own either frustrations or successes.

13. 5:11

    Yeah. Yeah. And not even necessarily just parents who are in the same stage as you. It would be cool to get a different age group as well, have some more experienced parents or even grandparents and kids, parents of kids with different ages. So again, though, like Brian said, this class and the whole series can be listened to by everyone.

14. 5:28

    It's definitely designed specifically for parents and raising kids, but all of these principles can still apply to... So if I could try to just hook someone and get their attention, Rach, what is the thing that stood out to you the most that you appreciated from this class series as a new parent? Well, like I said, it's loaded with all of the practical applications that you can start implementing and using right away.

15. 5:52

    But one of the things he says, and I think it's this very first class, is that parenting and specifically motherhood is a work of salvation. And then it talks about women being saved by child rearing. And again, that doesn't just have to apply to naturally having a child. It can also apply to raising a godly seed, which doesn't just have to be by natural motherhood.

16. 6:10

    However, as a mother, specifically when you're a mother of a young newborn and a baby, the days can be really long and lonely and it can feel very... Just... You're going... You're changing a diaper, then you're putting them to sleep, and then they're crying and nursing. And it's just like a pattern and you keep going through.

17. 6:26

    And it can be exhausting. But what he talks about is really just honoring mothers and how important being a mother is. So I just found this class and his points about motherhood really, really encouraging. Wasn't that one line about the greatest gift a father can give to his... Oh, yeah. So one of the other things they talk about in this class is the importance of marriage in a family.

18. 6:49

    And that just because kids are born doesn't mean the family all of a sudden revolves around them. The parents and the marriage still needs to come first with obviously God at the head of that. And he says the best gift a father can give his mother... No. The best gift... Is a Mother's Day card at the right time.

19. 7:08

    The best gift a father can give to their children is to love their mother, right? Yeah. And to show them what that looks like. So anyway, I think we've talked enough. That's this class. Foundations of the Family of God by Brother Ben Pitcher. So I'd like to pick up where we left off on our intro last night.

20. 7:27

    And where we talked about our purpose in life giving glory to God. Can I point out that getting into the kingdom is not a competition of us achieving it on our own? Because not only do we rely on God, we also rely on each other.

21. 7:52

    Because we all form part of the body of Christ. And so there's plenty of parables about those that minister to the body. You know, a cup of cold water to those in need. But no one is commended anywhere for getting into a one-man survival capsule and making their own way to the kingdom of God because they've kept everything and everyone at bay.

22. 8:26

    So a simple definition that I've heard about doing everything to God's glory is to make God bigger. Think about that. Spread God's influence further in our lives. Now, I'm going to suggest that once we know about God and his goodness, our purpose is to actually influence others for good. So we know this quote in Micah 6, where it clearly states that our role is to act in a godly way to influence others for good.

23. 9:03

    Micah 6 verse 8. And for many of us, God has blessed us with a partner so that we can learn to influence another for good because we love them. And then we're blessed with children. And guess what? We have a role and a responsibility to influence them for good. And furthermore, we've got an obligation to teach them that they might, in turn, influence others for good.

24. 9:33

    So now we've looked at what we're doing here. You know, when we zero back down to our lives, as far as society is concerned, the popular conception, it's all about you. Life is about fulfilling your own desires. And then when you eventually have children, should you decide to, society's expectation is suddenly it's all about them.

25. 10:05

    Well, godly parenting is completely different. It's always all about God. You know, the purpose that we're wanting to show in parenting is not ours, but God's. You know, God's purpose is so integrated in who he is that he calls himself by the name, to paraphrase Exodus 3, I will be a people who wish to be like me.

26. 10:34

    And so as kingdom families, showing God's glory to others should be the centre of everything we do as individuals, as couples, or as families. And so what I want to do this morning is take a snapshot of just showing some of the principles that God-centred families are built on. And it starts right back at the beginning with the fact that everything was created very good, but it wasn't good for man to be alone.

27. 11:06

    So why is that not good? We'll go back to what we said about God's glory. There's no incentive for a lone man to improve and develop his character. There's no influence on him for good on his own, let alone learning to influence someone else for good. So God designed us with a strong attraction for the opposite sex.

28. 11:33

    So young men and young women get distracted from their own interests on the strength of their attraction for someone else. And marriage is how we learn to put that someone else first. But it's one thing to do things for someone we love and want to spend time with, but still often in our relationships we find ways that we can carve out our own little domains of time and areas for pleasing ourselves.

29. 12:06

    And also often our partner who loves us forgives us for our faults and excuses us. So we sort of get to a point of progress in influencing others for good and developing our own character, and then it's kind of like we plateau in our character development. And so God provides us with children.

30. 12:29

    And it seems like they're magnifiers of all our worst traits. Actually, often we share the same dispositions, but suddenly we don't like it so much when we see it in others. And that time we might have carved out for ourselves in our relationship with our spouse, it's gone. We've got no downtime. We've got constant interruptions with little ones relying on us for everything.

31. 12:55

    And so once more, we learn to do something for someone else, this time 24-7. So our families are designed by God for our continual growth and personal development, where we learn to develop our own characters for the sake of someone else. First, for our spouse in a loving way, and then we influence our children for good.

32. 13:22

    And of course, this should extend out to the ecclesia and wider community. So, for example, Galatians 6, verse 10. We need to do good to all men, and especially those of the household of faith. So it means, if you think about it, to do all to the glory of God means, and spreading God further in our life and influencing others for good means putting ourselves out continually in all these areas, doesn't it?

33. 13:50

    Now, I want to get to the core of what this character development and influencing others revolves around. But before I do that, I just want to focus on what a family is. And a family is when the two of you, husband and wife, get married before God. And you form a family. That's the start.

34. 14:13

    And it's important to recognise that the two of you alone made a family. It may not feel like that. You may have felt you were a couple, but there were more than two of you in the relationship. See, before you were married, you were two individuals with an individual relationship toward God. But once you're married, you are a family, and your relationship with each other forms part of your relationship with God.

35. 14:41

    So together, you're a team. You're one flesh. You're united. And that's the essence of a family unit. And you can think of it like the threefold cord of Ecclesiastes that's not easily broken. But it can be broken. And like me, you can probably think, unfortunately, of marriages that have split up once the children have grown.

36. 15:07

    Because maybe in those cases, the family might have revolved around the children. And once the children's gone, there's nothing left. And that's wrong. There was a family there before there were children, and children by their presence or absence shouldn't change that. So my point is that children don't fulfill a family. They expand a family.

37. 15:36

    And the bedrock of family, the two of you, the bedrock of your family is loving communication. And just mentally think of the context of our reading of God's word and prayer as communication in terms of our, the bedrock of our relationship with our heavenly father. Well, in the same way, in our marriages, that we need to prioritize and make time for loving communication as husband and wife in every phase of our family life.

38. 16:11

    But more importantly, we need to give every member of our family security and confidence in our family. And that security comes primarily from observing the two of you having a loving communication that they can, that they can see. So think of it like the kingdom. You know, you're familiar with the type of Christ and the bride.

39. 16:39

    We read it there in verse 31 and 32 of Ephesians 5 this morning. How with sacrificial love, Christ gave himself for his bride and communicated through the word.

40. 16:55

    Well, in the kingdom, are Christ and his ecclesial bride going to abandon each other and focus solely on all the nations of the world?

41. 17:06

    No. I mean, that relationship that between Christ and his perfected bride bride will continue as an example and actually reach its pinnacle. He hasn't met his entire bride yet. We're still in progress.

42. 17:23

    And that relationship, that foundational relationship, will influence and spread further through all the nations of the world. And so too, our love as husband and wife should influence our children and the principles by which we communicate in love should influence our children. So that our children just make that primary family relationship bigger.

43. 17:47

    They don't fulfill the family, remember? So the communication and love and respect that was already there in your family, when they come along, the children just spread that loving communication further. And so our aim, as kingdom families right now, is to influence everyone for good in that family and also positively influence for good everyone outside the family that your family comes in contact with so that one day when Christ returns, it won't be just our little kingdom families here or there or gathered together here now, but the influence from Christ and the saints will fulfill what we're starting to do in a little way right now and spread through the entire earth, filling it with God's purpose.

44. 18:39

    So that's what God's name's about. That's what his purpose is. That's what God's promise is. And we actually have a God-given opportunity to live out his name in our families right now. So that's a really high calling. And thinking of really high callings in kingdom families, think of Mary, who was called to parent the son of God.

45. 19:06

    How would any of us cope with being asked to be mothers or guardians to the son of God? And just think in your head, what changes would we make in our homes if we were asked to bring up the son of God in our house?

46. 19:27

    It's challenging, isn't it? Well, actually, according to scripture, we are. All our children are God's. Psalm 127. Our children are God's heritage. So how does that change our perspective of what's currently happening in our house? It's a real challenge, isn't it? So we're not left floundering without any idea when it comes to our calling of being a family of godly influence.

47. 19:57

    So just like in our marriages, we've got the example of Christ and his bride to follow. As parents, we have an even loftier example, that of our heavenly father.

48. 20:12

    We're told that in numerous places in scripture. So here's a verse in Psalms and Ephesians that we read this morning. And it wasn't until I had my own children that I realised how profound this is. Because you know how like your children draw something really awkwardly and we proudly display it on the fridge, even though you really can't tell who's the people and who's the dog in the picture that they tell you it's about?

49. 20:39

    Well, that's like our best efforts compared to God's. You know, we might spend a really long time figuring out something from the scriptures and God is just as pleased and encouraging with our effort as we are with our children's scrawly attempt at creativity. And you know those really bad nappies that sometimes you have to clean up.

50. 21:05

    Well, sometimes we make a big stinky mess of our life. And God as our father will clean everything up for us in our helplessness to do anything for ourselves. So God's our example to us as parents. But we're also an example of God's character and his authority to our children. So as parents, we have a prime responsibility to make God a reality to our children.

51. 21:42

    Because, like I said, children make our relationship with God real to us. And so it's our responsibility to make God real to them. And if they're his children, they need to know him. And it's not that difficult because the way that God's designed families has already lent itself to doing this. You know, if our families are built on godly principles, it'll be God as the head.

52. 22:09

    And in Christ, the husband will lead in love. And in Christ, the wife will respect her husband. And your child will grow up seeing submission to each other and to God. And so as your child learns to submit to you, your child will see you as God's authority. And so you actually make God real to your children when you act and fulfil your God-given authority.

53. 22:37

    So your relationship with your young child makes the relationship that you have with God real to them. You're like God to them. You know, think of this calling as being the symbol and representative of God's authority to his children. And so that way, you know, the way we conduct ourselves will largely influence how our children perceive God.

54. 23:06

    If we're fair, God will be seen as fair. If we punish for wrongdoing, God must punish for wrongdoing. If we care for them, God must care for them. And if we respect and honour God's word, so must our children. And if we mean what we say, then God must mean what he says.

55. 23:27

    So you're responsible to make the laws about what goes on in your house. But, you know, you don't just make arbitrary laws and rules. They're not rules that you're teaching. You want to make sure that your children understand that they're God's rules, that you obey all together as a family. So not only does it please you when those rules are obeyed, but God's pleased as well.

56. 23:52

    So you're the visible source and representation of God to your child. You make God real to them. So we've got an opportunity to shape our children's opinions about authority and government, about marriage relationships, about God. So how do we fulfil our first responsibility in showing a child what God is? Well, we do that by showing love.

57. 24:18

    Because God is love. And it's often been said that the greatest gift the father can give a child is to love their mother. And how do we do that? It comes back to where we first started, which is communication. So one of the things I mentioned, we did some parenting courses. One of the things we learned to do was have couch time.

58. 24:42

    And so some of you might be familiar with this idea. It's a matter of making time in your schedule. So for young children, it might be as soon as dad comes home. You know, sit on the couch together as husband and wife, alone for 10 minutes before tea. Or, you know, our children are a bit older, so we'll often sit at the table and chat while they clear away and clean up after tea.

59. 25:07

    Or, you know, you're driving in the car, you can tell the children to be quiet in the back for a bit because mum and dad are going to have a conversation here in the front seat. And you might think this is a bit unnecessary. We chat when the kids are in bed or on our date night.

60. 25:21

    But think about it. How will they ever learn to communicate lovingly if they don't hear you do so? Just think of all the communication that they're exposed to and absorb coming from around them, in the schoolyard or on TV or in the books they read. Because what they've been continually exposed to, by and large, will define how they communicate.

61. 25:46

    And so if we don't bring to focus what loving communication looks like, they'll be influenced elsewhere. So we need to, again, prioritise our relationship, have couch time together in front of the kids and make our communication stand out over all the noise and provide a loving example of how to talk together, how to resolve differences.

62. 26:11

    I mean, if you talk for long enough, you're going to come up with a difference and the children will hear how you go about resolving that in a godly way and loving way. So while they're young, they're like mouldable clay, extremely influential. So use that influence for good and don't allow outside influences to define them instead.

63. 26:32

    So remember, you're using your family as a God-given way to influence each other for good and couch time together not only does that, but it elevates your relationship as husband and wife over all others, making that bedrock, but also making in our children's minds them welcome additions to the family and that your relationship is central.

64. 27:00

    And your relationship's giving them tangible security that on the strength of the family, you know, mum and dad do love each other because they love to spend time together and chat, you know, and they even tell us to be quiet so that they can have this time together. And so your relationship influences them in the same way that Christ and his bride will influence all the nations in the kingdom.

65. 27:23

    So make time together a priority, not an afterthought. And, you know, one practical idea, when our children were little, during the week, I'm getting off to work and kids to school, so Lisa's sort of up early doing breakfast. On Saturdays, Lisa would sleep in, I'd get up, make breakfast for the children, get that out of the way, and then I'd make breakfast for the two of us to sit and chat.

66. 27:47

    That was a really easy way to prioritise our relationship when we had lots of young toddlers all around the place. So following on from our communication setting, the standard, you know, think about how is the communication in our families? You know, do we have a problem with how our children communicate to each other?

67. 28:10

    So sometimes we have to stop and listen to ourselves. I mean, do we bark commands or do we nag, do we tease? And, you know, are our children in turn demanding from each other or teasing each other? You know, are they giving sarcastic and smart answers and are we sarcastic and smart to them?

68. 28:35

    You know, so where are they learning it from is the question. And sometimes we get frustrated and fall into the communicating sharply. But aside from those instances, take a listen and think about and ask yourself, how is your communication really characterised? What's it characterised by? How do you hear yourself inside your head talking to your children?

69. 29:04

    So we're talking about children being a key part of our family identity. And one thing that we found works really well is treating each other with respect in the way we address each other. So it sounds very quaint when I say this, but everyone has names, use them. So if they say mum, say yes, Johnny.

70. 29:27

    You know, and dads, don't just say hmm and half listen. You know, think about our heavenly father. When we call to him, do we expect him to listen? Would God say hmm to us when we pray? So when you're asked a question, say yes, Mary. And be characterised by giving your attention and respect.

71. 29:51

    So, you know, it might be that now's not the time for lots of questions. So tell them when the time is. When you stop for a coffee maybe. And we need patience in this process. I mean, mum gets asked all sorts of questions all day long. And some of them are corkers. But that's how children learn, by asking questions.

72. 30:13

    So we need to be patient. Remember, we're influencing our children for good. So our example needs to be patient, loving and respectful in our family communication because we set the standard as parents. They'll follow our example in how they communicate with their brothers and sisters. So we're demonstrating to our children that we don't live by mum and dad's rules.

73. 30:35

    We live to God's standards, all of us. The whole family. So as a family, we want a principle of loving communication. And it works both ways. So there's a flip side. And that's what we expect of our children when we give them an instruction. So you can expect them to say, yes, mum, or yes, dad as well.

74. 30:56

    So we'll come back to this tomorrow. But like I said, you might think this is quaint, but I want you to understand that the principle... You might say, look, I can... This really doesn't apply. The kids know that I'm listening. I don't really need to sort of use their names to address them.

75. 31:19

    That's you. What about your children? You know, think about it. They're born inside this thing called family, and they're trying to work it out, what family is from the inside. So we need to give them a tool that they can learn what loving communication and respectful communication looks like. So... And that's just one example of a tool that works.

76. 31:43

    And that's really one of your jobs as a parent, to be on the lookout for tools and collect tools and ideas from people. So look at things that other families do and that you can introduce.

77. 31:58

    So... Loving and respectful communication in the same way that we expect to be listened by God, we expect each other to listen to each other. So... The reason that foundation principles in a family is really important is because we're putting principles in our children's heart by instructing them. And when we fulfil our God-given role of instructing his children, we're heart training.

78. 32:29

    So Deuteronomy 6 says that... What we're going to teach our children actually starts in our hearts. See that in verse 5. Which we then need to teach to our children in verse 7. So God's word's got to be a key part of our family identity. So it's important that our children know that we're laying a moral standard.

79. 32:52

    It's not just mum and dad's rules or how I feel just this minute. Our life is to be lived by God's standards. We are putting God's word in our heart and teaching that to our children. So, you know, think of the idea of a family that has rules on the fridge. There's an example of this idea, I think, on page 13 of the handbook.

80. 33:13

    But the point is that they're God's rules and the whole family has to abide by them, even mum and dad. So the point is children have to come to the standard. We don't bring the moral standard down to our children. And there's no excuse for your child's temperament or personality saying, you know, they're naturally a bit not cooperative and make allowances.

81. 33:37

    You know, shyness is no excuse for rudeness, for example. I'm picking that as an easy one to point out. Because the point is that we're developing character in our children based on moral principles. So let me just explain the difference between personality and character. So personality is what we're given, the God-given make-up of our children.

82. 33:58

    It's really their temperament modelled by their family environment that forms their personality. So think of it like a house where, you know, when you lay the slab, there's a foundation shape that defines the shape of the house. That's our children's personality. We can't do much to change that. But on top of that, we have the ability as parents to add moral character.

83. 34:25

    So every house is different, but they all have doors and windows and a roof. And so too, our children, all the children of God have variation, but they share common characteristics with their heavenly father. So we're talking about mercy, graciousness, long-suffering, being abundant in goodness and truth. So do we allow one child to be less honest than another?

84. 34:54

    Of course not. So go back to our shyness example. You know, you might end up with one child that's got bifold cafe doors opening out onto the street in their personality. And that child, you might have to teach about the principle of using roller blinds, you know, needing a bit of a filter, as it were, because not everyone wants to see everything.

85. 35:17

    But we're not going to change the essential structure of that child's personality. We're going to work with it. But another child, their foundation personality might be such that their door is around the corner in an alcove as their entryway. The point is they both have some sort of door, and they can welcome people as part of their character development.

86. 35:39

    So we need to be aware of how our children might struggle because of their personalities. And so, you know, the shy child will leave that door in that spot. We won't try and move it around and make it a bifold cafe door like their brother. But we're going to work with them on the moral requirements of interacting and valuing others.

87. 36:00

    And so we might help them build a very welcoming front door and have a well-defined pathway that leads to that front door rather than changing their personality. But we both work with all our children on the same moral requirements of interacting and valuing others. So don't confuse personality and character and make excuses as to why your child doesn't have to come to the moral standard.

88. 36:29

    We bring our children to the standard. We don't bend the rules around our children. So just recapping on the difference, character is the moral quality of your personality. And so here's where you're doing a lasting work with your children. You think about this. You're developing their characters to be godly so that they'll have a place in God's kingdom, so that when God's son comes, he'll recognise them and take them to him because of their characters.

89. 37:05

    And if you think about it, it's actually our character that will be given immortality in the kingdom and that defines us. So, you know, nothing else we do in this life will have any relevance in the kingdom. And some of our personality flaws, we hope, will be fixed in the kingdom. So it's our character that we're looking, that's going to be a lasting work.

90. 37:27

    And the work we do on our children's character has the potential to last forever. And in this regard, I want to reinforce something different to the message given out in the world. And I'm going to direct this to mothers. Being a mother to young children is one of the most valued things in the Bible.

91. 37:50

    It's a very rewarding work. In fact, it's so rewarding that it's called a work of salvation. And it's, like I said, it's a lasting work that has the potential to last forever. So, you know, those works in Paul's letter to the Corinthians of wood, hay and stubble that get burnt up. The idea being that the work's not actually of any lasting value, but the attitudes that are cultivated by doing the work is what saves us.

92. 38:20

    Well, that's mostly what your husband does as an occupation. Whatever he does for nine to five or longer, there won't be much call for that skill in the kingdom because everyone will have their own vine and fig tree not working for a multinational corporation. And what's more, if you're anything like me, most of your husband's life work will vanish in the magnetic particles in some hard drive somewhere at the time of the end.

93. 38:48

    But in direct contrast to that, the results of your work with your children's character has the potential to last forever. And being a mother is potentially a skill that you'll use in the age to come, maybe to look after other children or to teach the nations how to be mothers to their children.

94. 39:14

    Because lots of people have lost sight of how to parent and will need instruction as to what to do. So motherhood is extremely important. And people who have no idea how to parent prove the old adage true that having a child no more makes you a parent than having a piano makes you a musician.

95. 39:34

    But motherhood, like I said in the Bible, is a work of salvation. So here's the correct translation of 1 Timothy 2, verse 15. She shall be saved in child rearing. It's actually in the set children, the process of bringing up a child if they continue in faith and holiness with self-control. So like I said, in the Greek there, it encompasses way more than just simply giving birth.

96. 40:05

    It's bringing up children is the way that a mother will be saved. And, you know, I want you to notice that if you actually go to Timothy and turn the page to chapter 3, verse 1, Paul goes on to tell Timothy that husbands, you know, if they want to fulfil a responsibility as a serving brother in the ecclesia, that's a good thing.

97. 40:32

    But he doesn't call it a work of salvation. It doesn't say they'll be saved by doing it. So this is one of the few things I have ever found in the Bible where it says that you'll be saved if you do this. In fact, just to finish on the husband's work, James says that the leaders of the ecclesia will have a higher condemnation.

98. 40:57

    So let's, what I'm saying is we need to reassess our priorities in accordance with the Bible. You know, there are things that we can do that are good things to do that are helpful and glorifying to God. Don't get me wrong. The Bible encourages that. But God's word said a mother's work is a word of salvation.

99. 41:18

    And I think that it's not just a mother working out her own salvation, but as I've alluded to, she's doing a work of salvation in her child if she can influence them in godly thinking. Notice Paul says that they will be saved, like collectively, the mother and the children, if they continue in what she's taught.

100. 41:38

     And by the way, thinking of a mother's role, think about all those things that Christ talks of in Matthew 25 when he says, answer thou into the joy of my Lord for doing these things.

101. 41:53

     Giving water, visiting the sick, clothing those that need it. Aren't mothers always doing all of those things? How many cups of water does a mother get in her lifetime? So the things that a mother naturally does for her children then naturally flows in her outworking to others. And so we need to involve our children in the outward practical thinking of others.

102. 42:27

     And it's these kinds of things that are commended by our Lord. So it's not about our role. So having a child doesn't automatically give us salvation. It's the attitude with which we fulfil the role. And so a dedicated mother can be one of the most glorifying roles to God. And so never feel second rate as a mum.

103. 42:50

     And I think trust is one of the key characteristics of God that should be clearly seen by our children in us. So we're all, we as parents have God as our father and we're seeking to emulate his characteristics to our children. So look at these few verses here in Psalms and Isaiah about trusting in our heavenly father.

104. 43:11

     And as you read those things, isn't that really how we would like to be viewed by our children? You know, don't we want our children to trust us and do good and to know that we'll act in their best interest? And we want our children to see us as dependable and a reliable rock of support that they, as they grow into adulthood.

105. 43:34

     So we need to respond and build on the trust that our children have in us. And so being seen as trustworthy by our children is directly related to our empathy and understanding. So you might've heard of the example of the red truck where young Billy's upset because he can't find his red truck.

106. 43:53

     And at that point in time, it's the most important thing to him right now. And so I'm not saying drop everything, but if you understand what's important to your child and react appropriately, perhaps saying, look, if you wait for me to finish these chores, we can go look for it together, you'll set up in the long term as being trustworthy in the eyes of your child.

107. 44:21

     And the primary responsibility that we're called to God to teach his children is obedience. And the principle of calling children to obedience is a few places in scripture. So we read that one in Ephesians 6, that children should obey their parents in the Lord. But in following God as a parent, we have God's example where he taught obedience to his only begotten son.

108. 44:55

     And talking of Christ, we're told in Hebrews 5, verse 8, although he was a son, he learned obedience through the things he suffered. Now we're here this morning to think about Christ.

109. 45:11

     Focus for a moment on the fact that Christ learned obedience. Think of the implications of that. Christ never sinned. He never was disobedient. Yet he still had to learn obedience through his sufferings. And he found it such a struggle that at one point, his sweat was like great drops of blood. And as parents of young children, this is where we really need to take ownership of parenting like God to our young children, where we make the rules, we expect them to be obeyed.

110. 45:48

     And obedience is not a natural part of our makeup. It's not a natural part of your child's makeup. Obedience is a challenge for all of us. It was not a natural part of Christ's makeup. He had to learn it. And it's a challenge for all our children, but we can help them with obedience.

111. 46:08

     And we'll talk more about that tomorrow. My point is that I want to make now is that ignoring disobedience or working around disobedience is avoiding it and not helping them learn obedience like our Lord Jesus Christ learned it from his father. And thinking about teaching obedience, this is where I feel I should appeal to the dads because often in the Victorian sense, dads are seen as the disciplinarians.

112. 46:37

     You know, you're the breadwinner and the problem sorter. And other than that, you get to please yourself because you're the dad. Wrong. You're the spiritual leader. You're the great encourager. Encourager. In fact, in Paul's exposition in Ephesians, which we just read, you are the Lord Jesus Christ to your family. Think about that.

113. 47:09

     You know, I'm sure if it came down to the wire, none of us dads would just even think twice about dying to save our family if we were put in that situation. Like, just like Christ died to save his family. It's what we would do as dads. And I hope in God's mercy that none of us are ever put in that position where we have to do that.

114. 47:34

     But how are we at washing the feet of our family? At nurturing and encouraging our family? Do we ever, like our Lord Jesus Christ, pray all night for our family? Do we calm the storms of emotional turmoil for our family, like the Lord Jesus Christ did? Or do we make stormy waves?

115. 48:06

     Do we spiritually feed our family? Do we teach our family? Do we point out lessons from nature to our family, like the sower? As the Lord Jesus Christ, we need to be the forgiving spirit in our family. We need to be the source of light and love in our families. Are we the source of light and love in our family's husbands?

116. 48:44

     Or is that our wife? You know, Ephesians tells us we need to be the source of it so that our wives can reflect it. Just as the ecclesia is not the source of the love of God, but it expresses the love of God as shown in his son's forgiveness and light. And so the ecclesia expresses this and shines that light in this dark world because the ecclesia is full of the light of the gospel of the son of God.

117. 49:16

     So in the same way as husband and wives, it's our love and care as fathers and husbands that has to come first so that our wives' caring nature can glow in that love that we share and that our children and family are the first benefactors and then those around us are influenced too.

118. 49:38

     So husbands, take the lead in love, in following our Lord's example. And we mentioned loving their mother as one way to let our children know that you love them. The other way to let our children know is to tell them. You know, it sounds too simple to be true, doesn't it? But sometimes as blokes, we don't like stating the plainly obvious and so we don't actually say it.

119. 50:09

     We just assume that it's commonly known and well understood amongst the family. Well, the way it becomes commonly known and well understood is if we tell them out loud. So when you're going places together, tell them that you love the family that God has blessed you with. Say it out loud. Tell them that you're enjoying whatever activity it is that you're currently doing with them.

120. 50:33

     You know, you can make it fun. You can write notes and hide it in their children's lunchbox. Hope you're having a good day. Love, Dad. You know, I know one dad who used to scribble with a stylus all over the skin of a banana that they took to school so that by recess time the message suddenly appeared all black on the banana and was readable.

121. 50:57

     You know, my kids used to make their own lunch so it was tricky to slip them a note but, you know, things like the kids would give me a USB with their school project that needed printing and they'd always get their USB back with an iloveyou.txt file on it with some short message.

122. 51:15

     And, you know, I know these sound kind of silly when I say it out loud but it reinforces your love in the mind of your child. You know, at your age you've got lots of experience to know what love looks like when it's shown to you. Your children don't have that experience. So you need to tell them out loud so that they learn implicitly what love is and what it looks like.

123. 51:38

     So, you know, you just think how much you would love to get a note from your dad. We're sitting with a note from our Heavenly Father on our laps.

124. 51:55

     And so it's things like this that and your children's response to it that makes being a dad meaningful as well as fun. And we all understand that God's a priority. So once God's first then husbands we've already said our wives come next. The practical challenge is to remember our priorities when it's a busy Saturday and we've got lots of things to do and the kids are in the way.

125. 52:25

     So instead of thinking I've got to get this done we need to remind ourselves that our first job is to love our wives and our second priority is to parent the children that God has blessed us with. So often we fall into the trap of being task focused that we put the job we think we need to do ahead of everything else and we growl at the kids and wish them out of the way.

126. 52:56

     Well we need to pray for patience and we need to reassess our priorities in the correct order each day. And wives your husband comes next just like you vowed at your wedding. Your children don't mean everything to you. Your husband means everything to you and then together with your husband your children mean everything to both of you.

127. 53:24

     And it may sound like semantics but the difference in our attitudes is really important because you can't build your life around your children because one day if God wills and Christ delays your children will grow up and have their own lives and family. And if your relationship as husband and wife is just based around the leftovers after you've given everything to the children well once the children have gone you're just left with the leftovers.

128. 53:53

     So your goal as parents is to build a team together. Dads you're the team leader you're not just the finance and business manager but and the team scientist of course but you're actually the team leader and you need to take an active role and provide clear direction and encouragement. And then mums and dads together are the team coaches the trainers the managers you know you sort out all the administrative difficulties for the team that you support motivate and encourage.

129. 54:34

     So every day in our studies we're going to finish with a challenge and this is today's. So not only are children twice commanded in scripture to be obedient they're also twice commanded to honour their parents both in Exodus and Deuteronomy. So remember you as parents are ambassadors of God you represent God and his character and values to your child.

130. 55:09

     You don't demand their honour or produce honour through fear. You need to be worthy of honour. So if your children are going to honour you you need to in demonstrating your God given authority in a way that demonstrates who God is and who his character is because that's how your children will honour you by you showing yourself worthy of that honour by you showing the character of God because our children will always follow our example over our advice.

131. 55:45

     So behaving in a godly way is the most influential thing we can do to build godly children and families and we come to examine ourselves in the light of the godly behaviour of the Lord Jesus Christ as our example. So in our families if we don't respect authority by our behaviour we're demonstrating to our children that they don't have to respect our authority.

132. 56:10

     If we do things like lie about our children's ages to get into some attraction cheaper or scan the product at a lower price on the self-serve checkout then we're demonstrating that lying and stealing is okay and not really to follow what we say when we teach them about bible principles around lying and stealing.

133. 56:32

     So the old saying is true that more is caught than taught and the reality is that children will learn far more from our consistent example than anything we say. So we need our children to see that we have one life in Christ. We don't have different principles of behaviour for when we're at home, when we're at the meeting and when we're at work.

134. 56:57

     We have one life in Christ and we need to model that to our children. And God's character, everything worthy of honour, God's character, everything that we need to spread further in our lives and the lives of others around us need to be most visible in our communication. This is how our children will naturally honour us.

135. 57:25

     So think about these verses in relation to our communication because our family standard should always be communication that's loving, respectful, kind and forgiving. And so these verses in Ephesians 5 and 1 Peter 3, as we start to reflect on our Lord represented here before us, we've already mentioned that the challenge of each husband is to show Christ to his family.

136. 58:02

     And the challenge for each wife is to look for and encourage Christ in her husband. So today's challenge, follow God's example, show his love, develop trust, and be worthy of honour. And so here's a suggested list of what I think are our key responsibilities as parents. You probably don't have time to read that closely.

137. 58:30

     They're on page 13 of your notes for you to contemplate and think about your role as parents. And so now as we come to examine ourselves, we have renewed insight and appreciation for God as our father.

138. 58:53

     How obedient and responsive are we as his children? we now remember our Lord's obedience unto death because he loves us and he sacrificed himself for us. thank you for listening to the good Christodal talks podcast. Please subscribe for new episodes and leave a review on apple podcasts or whichever service you are listening from to help people find the show when they search for it.

139. 59:37

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140. 1:00:01

     If you know of a great talk, we want to know about it too. Send a suggestion to good Christodal talks at gmail.com or message us on any of our social media platforms. Thank you for listening. God bless and talk to you next week. you next