Ben Brinkerhoff – Overcoming Resentment – Class 3 – Runs Away

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This is day three of the Rocky
Mountain Bible School.

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Our first period teacher is
Brother Ben Breakerhoff.

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His topic is overcoming
resentment.

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His title today for today’s
class is Judah Runs Away.

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Brother Ben, I almost took your
notes.

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Thank you.
Brother James, Good morning.

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Rocky Mountain Bible School.
All right, that’s the force I

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need to give you energy.
So you give me energy because I

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am lacking energy right now.
So that is that’s that’s the

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little agreement we’re going to
have for each other.

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OK.
And when I’m a teen class, when

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I see them not paying attention,
I just get to ask them questions

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and make them read verses.
So first row.

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Be careful, Bonnie got my eye on
you.

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So does Bonnie.
OK, so in our last study we

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considered Judah as the
resentment built up within him.

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This eventually led him of
stripping the dreamer of his

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coat and casting him into a pit
and selling him into slavery.

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And if I did my job, what I hope
I was able to illustrate to you

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yesterday is that Judah’s
solution to his resentment was

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no solution at all, because it
didn’t really solve any of

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Judah’s real problems.
It didn’t provide him love from

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his father, did it?
It didn’t give Leah any

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vindication.
I don’t think it really calmed

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the storm blowing up in his mind
instead as he clutched his

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lonesome 2 silver coins on that
long, torturous walk back to

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Hebron.
I believe in unrelenting

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conscience would have drained
any last remnant he might have

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had of calm or peace.
I don’t know what resentments

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you are dealing with right now
or how someone may have wronged

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you.
I’m sure that some of you have

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felt very wronged and treated
very poorly, and some of you who

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are feeling that way have not
yet responded, have not acted on

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the solutions that have been
swinging around in your head.

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And that may feel very hard, but
you’ve done the right thing.

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It doesn’t feel like the right
thing, does it?

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No, it feels like this person
should be told how wrong they’ve

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treated me and I should react
this way and, and, and let them

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know and, and, and protest and,
and yet you haven’t acted on

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those things sometimes.
And that doesn’t feel like the

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right thing to do.
But think about the solutions

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that people with resentment act
on and they heat problems upon

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problems.
And that’s what we’re going to

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look at today.
You know, Scripture gives us a

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hint by the way of of just how
painful it was when Judah got

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back and saw his father like
that.

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That memory was so painful.
That look on his father’s faith

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was was so painful that it was
burned into Judah’s memory.

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We get some indication of that
because, and this is a verse

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we’ll revisit a couple times,
but in in Genesis chapter 44,

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verse 33 to 34, we read now,
therefore, I pray thee this is

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this is now Judah talking to
Joseph, not knowing it’s Joseph

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now.
Therefore, I pray thee, let thy

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servant abide instead of the
lad, a bondsman to my Lord, and

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let the lad go up with his
brethren.

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For how shall I go up to my
father?

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And the lad be not with me, lest
peradventure I see the evil that

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shall come upon my father.
It’s almost as if he’s saying, I

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can’t see that again.
I saw that once, I cannot see

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that again.
And does that give us some

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indication of what it was like
for Judah to face his father?

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Now, perhaps all the brethren
felt this way, but it was only

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Judah that verbalized it and was
willing to act on it.

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So Judah’s solution to his
resentment problem was not a

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solution.
Your solution to your resentment

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problem, I dare say, may not
really be a solution.

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It didn’t give him any lasting
satisfaction.

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There’s no peace in his heart
after his sin, but Judah’s not

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alone in Scripture in feeling
resentment and and having a

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catastrophic response to his
resentment, making it worse.

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Scripture abounds with examples.
I felt like the reading day with

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Samson.
No, I’m going to do this because

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they did this, and I’m going to
do this because they did this.

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And you know, maybe there’s
obviously God working things out

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in that story, right?
God definitely works through sin

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or else, you know, what would he
be doing with any of us, right?

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But yet, think about all the
examples in Scripture where

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someone’s response or to or
their solution to the resentment

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problem was no solution.
Look at what Cain’s solution was

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to his resentment problem.
How about King Saul’s solution

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to his resentment problem?
How about Absalom’s solution to

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resenting Amnon?
How about Haman, his solution to

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resenting Mordehai?
You know, And even in parable,

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how about the the wicked
husbandman’s solution to

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resenting the vineyard owner?
Or how about Judas Iscariot’s

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solution to resenting Christ?
It seems to be that the typical

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path of resentment is self
justified sin, and the result of

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self justified sin is misery.
And I want us to be able to see

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that process clearly, to see
where it leads, and to know how

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to bear it.
In fact, I even started a little

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bit of a collection of words
that are a little bit similar or

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a lot similar to resentment so I
can find them in the Bible now.

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Who knows.
Another Bible word for

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resentment.
Any any suggestions?

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What’s this hate?
Yep, jealousy.

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Jealousy is a good one.
Indignation, malice,

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covetousness, bitterness.
OK, I think you got most of the

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ones I thought of.
So resentment words.

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How about Haman?
Haman was this is a good one.

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This one was mentioned.
He was moved with indignation,

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right?
That’s so when you read move to

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the indignation.
If that is too that language is

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a little bit too far fetched for
you.

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Resentment.
OK, how about Esau?

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This is a good one.
Who knows this one Esau let know

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root of bitterness.
How about Cain?

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He was very wroth and
countenance was fallen saw he

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had an evil spirit and Ahab he
was heavy and displeased the

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Sanhedrin.
They were cut to the heart.

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Now I know that that that
there’s a wide variety of

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feelings and I’m just using one
small term to summarize what is

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what is a spectrum of ideas.
But, but what I’m saying is that

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you can find these ideas in this
scenario playing out all over

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Scripture.
Now, sometimes resentment is

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characterized by what it does
rather than what it is.

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For example, murmuring.
A good example is, you know, the

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parable where, where the, the
landowner got some servants and,

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and gave them a, a penny and
then he came back and got more

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servants.
They gave them penny and then

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they got more servants and, and,
and every time the servants had

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to work a little bit less time
until finally the last group,

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they worked maybe half an hour,
an hour at most.

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And they got a penny as well.
And the first servant said they

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thought they would receive more.
And when they when they didn’t,

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what do they do?
Right?

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They murmured.
Well, they were resentful,

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right, You know, but they were
murmuring.

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So it’s more what it did, what
they what it does than what it

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is.
First, excuse me, Ephesians

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chapter 4 verse 31 says this.
Let all bitterness and wrath and

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anger and clamor.
So those are all words that

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describe resentment.
Be put away from you with all

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malice.
And I think it was brother Nick

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who mentioned malice.
So resentment is the bitterness,

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wrath and anger and the self
justified sin is slander and

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malice.
So a little bit cause and effect

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there in that verse.
And thinking back to the opening

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verse of our study, which was
Leviticus chapter 19 and verse

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18, we’re told not to hold a
grudge against our brother.

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And, and I was saying, what’s
that word grudge, you know, and

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that’s that It’s a Hebrew word,
nattar.

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Now, David, let me know if I got
this right.

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But I think it means in its
root, it means to guard or keep

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or reserve.
So, so when the Bible wants to

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describe a grudge, it describes
you keeping something, you

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guarding something.
Well, what are you guarding?

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You’re guarding your feelings,
right, aren’t you?

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You’re, you’re going to take
this memory and you’re going to

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hold on to it, and you’re going
to guard it and you’re going to

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nurse it.
Why are you going to do that?

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So that no one hurts you again.
That’s why no one’s going to

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hurt me this way.
Again.

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I’m going to hold on to this
because I think it’s going to

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protect me, but it doesn’t.
But you’re not holding on to it

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because you want to be hurt
more.

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You hold on here because you
want to be hurt less.

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And then you get hurt more, and
you hurt other people more.

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So imagine Judah feeling all
these feelings that that these

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words try to describe.
He’s bitter, he’s heavy, his

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countenance has fallen.
He’s moved with indignation.

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Although Judah may have slimmed
sinned by slandering his brother

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or perhaps shunning his brother
up to the point of selling him,

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Judah would have felt that he
still hadn’t gotten even like

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that.
He had been hurt more than he

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had hurt Joseph in response.
And I illustrate that with an

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imbalanced scale of childlike
reasoning.

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You know, yeah, I I’ve had some
sins, but you know what?

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I’ve been hurt worse than I’ve
sinned back.

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And and I’m just going to kind
of use a word to describe this.

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Listen, I’m not a psychologist.
I don’t, I don’t know the

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official definition of words.
What I know is how I feel.

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And I try to put words to that.
And so maybe that is helpful,

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but if, if you, if you have some
technical understanding or gone

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through these things and you can
might have a different way of

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labeling things and that’s OK,
I’m happy with that.

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But but, but how would I
describe someone who’s stuck in

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that spot?
I call that self pity.

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And self pity is a state where
to your reckoning, your hurts

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perpetually outweigh your sins.
And into this frustrated

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scenario come self pity’s best
friend.

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And self pity’s best friend is
resentment fueled fantasy.

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You see, if you can’t actually
get even, it feels almost as

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good to fantasize about getting
even.

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So as we discussed yesterday,
Judah would fantasize about

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hurting Joseph.
And each time he fantasized

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about hurting Joseph, he’d feel
better, like if he carried

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through with it, that finally
this would be even I wouldn’t

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hurt Joseph more than I’ve been
hurt.

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But I’m just going to even
things out.

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And so, you know, I illustrate
that this way.

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And this is a fantasy, right?
Because in the in the fantasy,

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what’s the scale look like?
It looks even, right?

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That is the fantasy.
So getting even or in this

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fantasy, you know, at first the
fantasy would have maybe even

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seemed a bit dangerous.
I couldn’t do such a thing.

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But after a while, if you
indulge that fantasy and you let

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it dance around in your head
that, that somehow you, you get

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the idea that yes, if I’d
actually carried through with

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this and even things up somehow
it doesn’t seem as dangerous.

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The 2nd, 3rd, 4th time that you,
that you consider it you, you

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recreate that, that feeling that
that that dopamine feeling

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inside of you, it doesn’t seem
so outrageous anymore.

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And and so fantasy really is the
means to get even in your mind

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without yet taking the actions.
But then, but then here’s a

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problem.
The problem is when you carry

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through with it and you put the
ID into action.

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And I, I can only imagine that,
that you can even right now, if

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you wanted to put your finger on
something that you haven’t done,

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that you’ve fantasized about
doing because someone in the

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meeting hurt you.
And by the way, if no one in the

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meeting has hurt you yet, well,
I don’t know.

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Where’s the kindergarten class,
right?

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Maybe.
Maybe that’s the case for them,

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right?
But it will happen because

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because we’re we’re humans and
we’re still working on this

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00:16:44,240 –> 00:16:49,320
being perfect thing.
So it’s going to happen And and

217
00:16:49,440 –> 00:16:51,800
and maybe you’ve had an idea of
how you’re going to get even you

218
00:16:51,800 –> 00:16:53,960
haven’t me carried it out, but
you’ve had the idea.

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00:16:54,840 –> 00:16:58,200
But what if you do what what if
you actually do carry it out?

220
00:16:58,840 –> 00:17:04,160
Then suddenly that fantasy S,
you know, it kind of transforms

221
00:17:04,160 –> 00:17:11,960
a little bit into a really big S
Now, now there’s a problem.

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00:17:13,480 –> 00:17:18,040
See, now Judah’s balance has
shifted the other direction.

223
00:17:19,680 –> 00:17:25,160
And in retrospect, try as he
might, Judah just couldn’t find

224
00:17:25,240 –> 00:17:31,800
any way of rationalizing selling
Joseph into slavery.

225
00:17:32,920 –> 00:17:37,600
So, so now Judah’s created the
conditions of self loathing.

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00:17:38,040 –> 00:17:44,080
Now what’s self loathing?
Self loathing is a state where,

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00:17:44,080 –> 00:17:49,960
to your reckoning, your sins
perpetually outweigh your hurts.

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00:17:52,760 –> 00:17:56,960
In retrospect, Judah knew that
that no hurt he had suffered

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00:17:56,960 –> 00:18:01,240
made it right to sell Joseph.
His balance was permanently

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00:18:01,240 –> 00:18:09,200
lopsided, the wrong direction.
So I just want to summarize

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00:18:11,200 –> 00:18:14,120
according to the balance of
childlike reasoning.

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00:18:15,040 –> 00:18:19,680
You know, self pity is a state
where your hurts perpetually

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00:18:19,680 –> 00:18:25,600
outweigh your sins.
You feel sorry for yourself, you

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00:18:25,600 –> 00:18:32,640
cannot forgive others.
And self loathing is a state

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00:18:32,640 –> 00:18:36,640
where your sins perpetually
outweigh your hurts.

236
00:18:37,920 –> 00:18:40,640
You hate and cannot forgive
yourself.

237
00:18:44,080 –> 00:18:46,600
And it’s possible to feel both
of these at the same time

238
00:18:46,600 –> 00:18:48,800
because it seems like we have
one of these scales for every

239
00:18:48,800 –> 00:18:52,040
single one of our relationships.
One relationship I might be in

240
00:18:52,040 –> 00:18:55,040
self pity mode, Another
relationship I might be in self

241
00:18:55,040 –> 00:19:00,200
loathing mode.
And I don’t know if you think

242
00:19:00,200 –> 00:19:06,840
about your hurts or your
responses to your hurts where

243
00:19:06,840 –> 00:19:09,400
you are.
Are you in a position where you

244
00:19:09,400 –> 00:19:12,960
can’t forgive others or you
can’t forgive yourself?

245
00:19:15,920 –> 00:19:21,800
Are you in a position where your
hurts outweigh your sins or your

246
00:19:21,800 –> 00:19:27,360
sins outweigh your hurts?
But can you see there’s no peace

247
00:19:27,360 –> 00:19:34,680
on either side of this scale?
There’s no peace in childlike

248
00:19:34,680 –> 00:19:41,120
reasoning.
The fantasy that you’re going to

249
00:19:41,120 –> 00:19:57,370
even things out is a fantasy.
So what happens, whether in self

250
00:19:57,370 –> 00:20:03,890
pity or self loathing, is that
you rot inside with a

251
00:20:03,890 –> 00:20:10,090
permanently unbalanced scale.
That is ultimately the inward

252
00:20:10,690 –> 00:20:14,240
outcome.
Of the cycle that starts with

253
00:20:14,240 –> 00:20:19,440
self importance, comparison and
childlike reasoning.

254
00:20:20,360 –> 00:20:25,320
And it’s at this point
especially I think that self

255
00:20:25,320 –> 00:20:27,360
gratification comes into its
own.

256
00:20:27,800 –> 00:20:31,360
You might remember from the
first class I talked about the

257
00:20:31,360 –> 00:20:36,920
five selves of sin.
And as we can see, it’s self

258
00:20:36,920 –> 00:20:41,960
importance leading to self
justification, leading to self

259
00:20:41,960 –> 00:20:47,320
righteousness, leading to self
pity and self loathing leading

260
00:20:47,320 –> 00:20:52,040
to self gratification.
Because for those with even an

261
00:20:52,040 –> 00:20:56,160
immature conscience, something
inside of us knows that all this

262
00:20:56,160 –> 00:20:59,640
balancing, all this selfishness
doesn’t square.

263
00:20:59,960 –> 00:21:03,600
We feel awful.
Maybe we should feel awful

264
00:21:03,680 –> 00:21:06,840
because we’re we’re we’re
weighed down by our sins.

265
00:21:06,840 –> 00:21:10,160
Is the mic on the wireless.
We’re weighed down by our sins

266
00:21:11,320 –> 00:21:14,760
and we’re carrying our sins
around and we’re carrying other

267
00:21:14,760 –> 00:21:18,120
people’s sins around.
Well, how long till that feels

268
00:21:18,120 –> 00:21:25,320
pretty heavy?
And, and, and if you’re and

269
00:21:25,320 –> 00:21:29,200
you’re and you’re carrying all
the all this weight and, and

270
00:21:29,200 –> 00:21:33,720
you’re feeling heavy, you’re
going to seek for something,

271
00:21:34,120 –> 00:21:36,040
anything to make you feel
better.

272
00:21:37,480 –> 00:21:46,680
That could be food or alcohol or
entertainment or music or

273
00:21:46,680 –> 00:21:54,240
narcotics or money or
promiscuity or buying things or

274
00:21:54,240 –> 00:21:58,760
gambling or relationships.
I don’t know what it does what

275
00:21:58,880 –> 00:22:04,160
what what does it for you.
I don’t know what avenues self

276
00:22:04,160 –> 00:22:08,960
gratification has available to
you to distract you from the big

277
00:22:08,960 –> 00:22:12,960
pile of sins and resentments
we’ve got going on.

278
00:22:13,960 –> 00:22:19,240
But the pattern caused by self
important self justification,

279
00:22:19,240 –> 00:22:22,640
self righteousness and self
loathing, you have to admit it

280
00:22:22,640 –> 00:22:27,920
leaves a gaping hole within us.
It’s an emptiness, it’s a

281
00:22:27,920 –> 00:22:32,160
restlessness, it’s an itch which
we feel like it must be

282
00:22:32,160 –> 00:22:37,400
scratched.
We’re not comfortable, and we

283
00:22:37,400 –> 00:22:39,120
desperately want to be
comfortable.

284
00:22:40,080 –> 00:22:43,600
So we seek something.
We seek anything, anything that

285
00:22:43,600 –> 00:22:47,600
can provide ease and comfort,
that can calm the storm, that

286
00:22:47,600 –> 00:22:54,760
can provide a moment’s peace.
And in our search, we move past

287
00:22:54,760 –> 00:22:56,600
self loathing to self
gratification.

288
00:22:56,600 –> 00:23:00,760
And self gratification is simply
the pattern of trying to find

289
00:23:00,760 –> 00:23:03,880
something to fill the emptiness,
something to lighten the load.

290
00:23:06,520 –> 00:23:09,160
And the dangerous thing,
brothers and sisters, do you

291
00:23:09,160 –> 00:23:13,720
know the really dangerous thing
is when you find something that

292
00:23:13,720 –> 00:23:22,920
you think works because you
become dependent on it, whether

293
00:23:22,920 –> 00:23:27,760
that’s a substance, whether
that’s a person, whether that’s

294
00:23:27,760 –> 00:23:35,160
an activity.
So feeling horrible and empty, I

295
00:23:35,160 –> 00:23:38,520
think Judah is trying to find
something else to fill the hole,

296
00:23:40,280 –> 00:23:44,160
but everything he tries just
ends up making him feel more

297
00:23:44,160 –> 00:23:48,960
horrible, which leads him back
to more self gratification.

298
00:23:49,680 –> 00:23:53,640
It’s easy to see how self
gratification, when it’s the

299
00:23:53,640 –> 00:23:56,920
outcome of the five selves of
sin, can easily lead to

300
00:23:56,920 –> 00:24:02,680
dependence and addiction.
Although we can perhaps see that

301
00:24:02,680 –> 00:24:07,320
the medicine is making us sick
because we feel sick, we keep on

302
00:24:07,320 –> 00:24:11,760
giving ourselves medicine.
I mentioned that horrible cycle

303
00:24:11,760 –> 00:24:13,800
because look at what was going
on in Judah’s life.

304
00:24:13,880 –> 00:24:17,560
You know, we see him growing in
in hatred and envy.

305
00:24:18,280 –> 00:24:20,120
We see him plotting to kill his
brother.

306
00:24:20,480 –> 00:24:22,840
We see him selling his brother
into slavery.

307
00:24:22,960 –> 00:24:25,000
We see him lying about it to his
father.

308
00:24:25,160 –> 00:24:29,400
We see him leave his father’s
house and then leave the truth

309
00:24:30,120 –> 00:24:33,000
to go into the world.
Then we see him marry what

310
00:24:33,000 –> 00:24:37,840
appears to be a miserable woman,
Right.

311
00:24:37,960 –> 00:24:42,000
And, and every time and every
one of those scenarios, what

312
00:24:42,000 –> 00:24:47,960
would you would have said?
I’m just trying to make myself

313
00:24:47,960 –> 00:24:51,160
feel better.
I’m not trying to ruin my

314
00:24:51,160 –> 00:24:55,400
future.
I’m not trying to, you know, to,

315
00:24:56,160 –> 00:24:58,400
to, to mess things up for
everybody.

316
00:24:59,640 –> 00:25:06,240
I’m just trying to feel OK.
Every single one of those

317
00:25:06,240 –> 00:25:09,720
incidents would have felt like
it was a solution.

318
00:25:13,280 –> 00:25:17,600
So let’s look at his next
solution that turns out to be no

319
00:25:17,600 –> 00:25:21,440
solution.
You find this in in Genesis

320
00:25:21,440 –> 00:25:23,120
chapter 38.
Turn there please.

321
00:25:25,040 –> 00:25:27,560
I think in all my class today, I
think we’re considering 2

322
00:25:27,560 –> 00:25:32,800
verses, maybe, maybe, maybe,
maybe 3, right?

323
00:25:33,240 –> 00:25:35,680
This is what happens when you
have a study that comprises a

324
00:25:35,680 –> 00:25:38,120
force of four classes and you
stretch it to five.

325
00:25:38,120 –> 00:25:45,040
So bear with me, but hey, these
are two of those verses.

326
00:25:45,560 –> 00:25:50,040
Genesis chapter 38 and verses 1
and 2.

327
00:25:52,640 –> 00:25:57,680
And it came to pass at that time
that Judah went down from his

328
00:25:57,680 –> 00:26:03,200
brethren and turned into a
certain Adelemite, whose name

329
00:26:03,200 –> 00:26:06,400
was Hira.
And Judah saw there a daughter

330
00:26:06,400 –> 00:26:11,760
of a certain Canaanite, whose
name was Shua, And he took her

331
00:26:11,760 –> 00:26:16,720
and went in unto her.
It came to pass at that time.

332
00:26:17,080 –> 00:26:23,280
So how long do you think it was
that Judah, with some semblance

333
00:26:23,280 –> 00:26:26,080
of a conscience, could stand to
live at home?

334
00:26:26,320 –> 00:26:29,800
How long could he?
Could he watch his father mourn?

335
00:26:30,520 –> 00:26:32,520
How long could he watch his
father?

336
00:26:33,840 –> 00:26:37,400
Maybe he was not showering.
Maybe dust was on his head.

337
00:26:37,400 –> 00:26:42,440
Maybe he was wearing mourning
clothes, sackcloth.

338
00:26:43,640 –> 00:26:48,200
How long could he see his father
blame himself for sending Joseph

339
00:26:48,200 –> 00:26:52,880
alone to Shechem?
How long could he bear with the

340
00:26:52,880 –> 00:26:57,240
hypocrisy and the lies?
How was long was he to to to

341
00:26:57,240 –> 00:27:01,360
bear with this burning sense of
aching that would have been in

342
00:27:01,360 –> 00:27:04,520
his chest as he looked at his
father?

343
00:27:05,880 –> 00:27:11,280
And so, about that time, he ran
away from the pain.

344
00:27:12,440 –> 00:27:15,080
He left the truth as it were.
That was the only ecclesia at

345
00:27:15,080 –> 00:27:19,360
the time.
And I and I reflect like, why,

346
00:27:19,440 –> 00:27:25,440
why do people leave the truth?
And sometimes we may, I think,

347
00:27:25,440 –> 00:27:27,880
mistakenly say that they, they
leave the truth because they

348
00:27:27,880 –> 00:27:35,880
stop having faith in God.
But sometimes it’s, they stop

349
00:27:35,880 –> 00:27:39,600
having faith in themselves.
I, I think sometimes it’s that

350
00:27:39,600 –> 00:27:43,840
they lose hope.
You see, if you’ve lost hope,

351
00:27:44,760 –> 00:27:49,120
not that you’ve maybe lost
faith, but if you’ve lost hope,

352
00:27:50,160 –> 00:27:53,640
why stick around and be tortured
by what you’ll never attain?

353
00:27:53,640 –> 00:27:55,400
And you see other people
celebrating?

354
00:28:00,280 –> 00:28:04,640
That’s just torture.
All you happy people.

355
00:28:05,360 –> 00:28:05,840
Yeah.
Yeah.

356
00:28:05,840 –> 00:28:11,680
You have a hope.
I don’t have a hope.

357
00:28:12,920 –> 00:28:17,880
And I can’t stand to watch you
have one, so I’m going to run

358
00:28:17,880 –> 00:28:23,440
away.
So of course he saw a beautiful

359
00:28:23,440 –> 00:28:26,320
Canaanite woman and he took her.
Do you think you loved her?

360
00:28:28,160 –> 00:28:31,720
Did it matter?
It was a self gratification in

361
00:28:31,720 –> 00:28:35,000
another form, something that
that made him forget his

362
00:28:35,000 –> 00:28:40,400
troubles for a few moments.
Did it did it matter that, you

363
00:28:40,400 –> 00:28:46,640
know, that his brothers had
murdered Shechem, his father and

364
00:28:46,840 –> 00:28:48,640
the, the, the the men of the
city?

365
00:28:48,640 –> 00:28:52,320
Because he was a Canaanite and
he married his sister Dinah.

366
00:28:52,960 –> 00:28:55,120
I mean, he was convinced at the
time that that was horrible to

367
00:28:55,120 –> 00:28:57,760
marry a Canaanite.
But, you know, now it was

368
00:28:57,760 –> 00:29:00,520
different.
Everything was different.

369
00:29:01,960 –> 00:29:04,840
Have you ever run away like
Judah?

370
00:29:05,040 –> 00:29:09,960
Have you ever sinned so badly
and so often that you couldn’t

371
00:29:09,960 –> 00:29:14,320
make it right even on the basis
of your own judgement?

372
00:29:17,240 –> 00:29:23,120
Or have you seen when your your
kids do this, they’ve run away?

373
00:29:30,640 –> 00:29:32,400
Or ever fallen into self
loathing?

374
00:29:34,200 –> 00:29:36,640
Ever found yourself making
selfish bad decision after

375
00:29:36,640 –> 00:29:39,360
selfish bad decision,
desperately trying to feel

376
00:29:39,360 –> 00:29:42,600
better, trying, trying to make
things right, and seeing that

377
00:29:42,600 –> 00:29:45,040
everything around you is just
getting worse and worse?

378
00:29:46,440 –> 00:29:49,160
But Judah is actually not at the
bottom here.

379
00:29:50,600 –> 00:29:53,360
There’s still more pain to come.
There’s still like 22 more years

380
00:29:53,360 –> 00:29:57,720
of pain to come here.
I mean, look at the appeal of

381
00:29:57,720 –> 00:29:59,480
running away.
What?

382
00:29:59,480 –> 00:30:02,960
What happens when you run away?
Well, you go where no one knows

383
00:30:02,960 –> 00:30:05,960
you.
No one knows Joseph.

384
00:30:06,680 –> 00:30:09,280
No one knows what he did.
No one reminds you of your past.

385
00:30:09,920 –> 00:30:12,160
You can reinvent yourself on new
terms.

386
00:30:14,240 –> 00:30:15,880
You can shut the door in the
past.

387
00:30:16,320 –> 00:30:19,280
Does anyone know how
intoxicating of a prospect that

388
00:30:19,280 –> 00:30:22,800
is compared to wallowing and
guilt and self loathing?

389
00:30:24,280 –> 00:30:27,200
So we see Judah do something now
he’s going to do for the next 22

390
00:30:27,200 –> 00:30:28,880
years.
He’s going to take the easy Rd.

391
00:30:28,880 –> 00:30:31,920
He’s going to go down to a
dullum which is about 15 or 20

392
00:30:31,920 –> 00:30:35,920
miles northwest of Hebron.
That means it was easy.

393
00:30:36,240 –> 00:30:40,560
Easily a day’s journey from his
father.

394
00:30:40,560 –> 00:30:43,280
I mean, I’m, I live a day’s
journey from my father, right?

395
00:30:43,680 –> 00:30:47,160
You know you had to go.
You have to go farther now than

396
00:30:47,160 –> 00:30:53,360
you did then, right?
But it’s far enough now.

397
00:30:53,360 –> 00:30:57,240
What’s the most do you want?
This is one of Scriptures little

398
00:30:57,240 –> 00:31:00,280
irony as my dad’s reminding
about undesigned scriptural

399
00:31:00,280 –> 00:31:03,160
coincidences.
What is the most prominent

400
00:31:03,160 –> 00:31:04,960
feature of a dullum in the
Bible?

401
00:31:08,840 –> 00:31:09,520
A cave.
Where?

402
00:31:09,920 –> 00:31:11,240
What?
What do you do in a cave?

403
00:31:12,160 –> 00:31:14,680
You hide.
So where’s Judah go?

404
00:31:15,640 –> 00:31:16,880
Oh, it just happens to go to
Adalum.

405
00:31:18,160 –> 00:31:22,840
Where what?
Where you can hide, right?

406
00:31:26,440 –> 00:31:29,240
And it’s obviously in First
Samuel 22 is where David goes to

407
00:31:29,240 –> 00:31:33,400
hide.
Now Adalum could not have been a

408
00:31:33,400 –> 00:31:38,960
great place to visit concerning
the things of the truth.

409
00:31:38,960 –> 00:31:43,640
It was destroyed by Joshua.
Justinius calls it a royal city

410
00:31:43,640 –> 00:31:46,120
of the Canaanites.
Now, what does a dalam mean?

411
00:31:47,640 –> 00:31:53,280
Well, Strong says that a dalam
means justice of the people.

412
00:31:54,080 –> 00:31:56,560
Now, now, isn’t that what we run
to, right?

413
00:31:57,600 –> 00:32:01,400
We run away from God’s
righteousness and we run

414
00:32:01,400 –> 00:32:03,480
straight to the justice of the
people.

415
00:32:04,760 –> 00:32:07,760
And actually, a few of these
words right there in in the

416
00:32:07,760 –> 00:32:11,000
start of chapter 38 give us some
indication of what’s going on,

417
00:32:11,320 –> 00:32:13,320
because there’s a story behind
the story.

418
00:32:14,520 –> 00:32:20,880
Because he, he befriends Hira.
Now Hira’s name means nobility

419
00:32:22,480 –> 00:32:24,520
and he marries the daughter of
Shua.

420
00:32:25,200 –> 00:32:33,160
Now Shua means rich or opulence.
So what is Judah doing?

421
00:32:33,160 –> 00:32:34,880
What’s the thing that Judah
always wanted?

422
00:32:36,880 –> 00:32:40,520
Oh, he wanted to be the one that
his brothers would bow down to,

423
00:32:42,760 –> 00:32:46,760
that dreamer.
Well, what else did he want?

424
00:32:47,320 –> 00:32:49,000
He obviously was motivated by
money.

425
00:32:49,320 –> 00:32:51,120
Wouldn’t.
So how did he came up with the

426
00:32:51,120 –> 00:32:55,360
idea of selling Joseph for a
profit, Right.

427
00:32:56,200 –> 00:32:57,960
So what two things are he
struggling with?

428
00:32:58,520 –> 00:33:00,840
You’re not going to be the
leader and I’m going to make

429
00:33:00,840 –> 00:33:03,360
some money.
So what does he do when he goes

430
00:33:03,360 –> 00:33:05,760
to Dulham?
He’s like, well, you know what?

431
00:33:05,960 –> 00:33:07,440
I’m going to double down on
that.

432
00:33:09,120 –> 00:33:13,800
If I can’t get it this way in
the ecclesia, not treating me

433
00:33:13,800 –> 00:33:15,880
right there, I’m going to get it
in the world.

434
00:33:16,720 –> 00:33:19,040
I’m going to get with the thing
I think I want.

435
00:33:19,800 –> 00:33:22,960
I’m going to get rich, powerful
friends.

436
00:33:24,480 –> 00:33:27,160
I’m going to get position.
I’m going to get status.

437
00:33:27,920 –> 00:33:33,240
I’m going to pursue the things
I’m desperately wanting because

438
00:33:33,240 –> 00:33:36,600
why?
Because I think they’re going to

439
00:33:36,600 –> 00:33:40,920
make me happy.
Ever pursued the thing you

440
00:33:40,920 –> 00:33:44,200
thought was going to make you
happy outside of the meeting?

441
00:33:48,160 –> 00:33:52,520
Did it make you happy?
Are you still figuring that out

442
00:33:52,520 –> 00:33:57,280
right now?
That’s what he’s going towards.

443
00:33:57,280 –> 00:33:59,040
He’s running towards profit and
position.

444
00:34:01,000 –> 00:34:04,760
His desires are still the same.
Can’t get into the meeting.

445
00:34:05,400 –> 00:34:11,639
I’ll get it outside the meeting
and notice how the text moves

446
00:34:11,639 –> 00:34:14,440
really quickly.
In this section it says that

447
00:34:14,440 –> 00:34:17,719
Judah saw the daughter of a
certain Canaanite whose name was

448
00:34:17,719 –> 00:34:19,360
Shua.
He took her and went in unto

449
00:34:19,360 –> 00:34:22,080
her.
Now, how long do you think that

450
00:34:22,080 –> 00:34:27,719
little sequence took?
Right, He took, he went in.

451
00:34:29,440 –> 00:34:32,520
You know, there doesn’t really
appear to be a careful

452
00:34:32,520 –> 00:34:35,159
examination of the woman’s moral
qualities.

453
00:34:36,800 –> 00:34:39,560
Maybe there was no more
examination of inequalities

454
00:34:39,560 –> 00:34:42,400
other than her physical features
and that her father was very

455
00:34:42,400 –> 00:34:47,400
wealthy.
It seems like she was easily

456
00:34:47,400 –> 00:34:52,840
had.
It’s interesting to note how how

457
00:34:52,840 –> 00:34:57,600
similar this sequence is to the
incident of Shechem and Dinah

458
00:35:00,760 –> 00:35:05,920
where it says there in Genesis
34 verse 2, when Shechem, the

459
00:35:05,920 –> 00:35:10,200
son of Hamor, the highlight
Prince of the country saw her,

460
00:35:10,840 –> 00:35:16,520
he took her and lay with her and
defiled her.

461
00:35:16,880 –> 00:35:23,320
So like, what is it about
resentment that makes you repeat

462
00:35:23,320 –> 00:35:27,960
the sins of the past right now,
what was what was Judah’s

463
00:35:27,960 –> 00:35:30,520
response to the incident of
Dinah?

464
00:35:31,080 –> 00:35:33,200
Right.
Well, as a response to that was

465
00:35:33,200 –> 00:35:37,680
the sons of Jacob came out of
the field when they heard it and

466
00:35:37,680 –> 00:35:40,520
they were grieved and were very
rough.

467
00:35:42,920 –> 00:35:46,400
But why did Judah think that
that his version of seeing,

468
00:35:46,400 –> 00:35:50,280
taking and laying with is
different than Shechem’s version

469
00:35:50,280 –> 00:35:52,560
of seeing, taking and laying
with?

470
00:35:54,520 –> 00:35:57,880
But of course, you know, Judah’s
really was getting good, I

471
00:35:57,880 –> 00:36:01,000
think, at this blame and self
rationalization game.

472
00:36:03,200 –> 00:36:05,120
Do you know what Judah’s cry
would have been?

473
00:36:06,040 –> 00:36:11,600
Ever talk to someone who’s made
a mistake and you point out that

474
00:36:11,600 –> 00:36:15,440
it’s very much like this other
thing and and and what is what’s

475
00:36:15,440 –> 00:36:19,440
the response You often will get?
Well, it’s going to be some

476
00:36:19,440 –> 00:36:24,400
version of my case is different.
My case is different.

477
00:36:32,200 –> 00:36:34,800
One of the symptoms of
resentment is you do the things

478
00:36:34,800 –> 00:36:39,520
you judge others for doing.
And that seems to be God’s way

479
00:36:39,520 –> 00:36:43,760
of teaching us that our case
isn’t different, our

480
00:36:43,760 –> 00:36:52,880
circumstances are different, but
our actions when looked from a

481
00:36:53,520 –> 00:36:56,160
view like God’s or what that
Scripture provides are very much

482
00:36:56,160 –> 00:37:01,760
the same.
So what was the daughter of Shua

483
00:37:02,160 –> 00:37:06,240
for Judah?
And I, I call her Bat Shua or

484
00:37:06,240 –> 00:37:09,760
Bath Shua because Bat means
daughter in Hebrew.

485
00:37:09,880 –> 00:37:12,800
So I have to give her a name.
So that’s my name for her.

486
00:37:13,800 –> 00:37:17,400
I think for a brief period of
time, she was the answer.

487
00:37:19,200 –> 00:37:22,040
She helped Judah forget his
father and his brother.

488
00:37:22,720 –> 00:37:24,320
And that would have been a
marvelous relief.

489
00:37:24,440 –> 00:37:27,120
And I think she’s probably good
looking and she was rich.

490
00:37:27,720 –> 00:37:30,320
So, you know, that didn’t hurt
either.

491
00:37:34,280 –> 00:37:41,120
It seems like when we run away,
we always find the girl or boy

492
00:37:41,120 –> 00:37:47,760
who, who understands who who
sympathetically agrees with us

493
00:37:48,040 –> 00:37:53,200
that our position is justified,
who thinks that that we’re

494
00:37:53,200 –> 00:37:55,960
right, who doesn’t really judge
us.

495
00:37:56,080 –> 00:37:57,880
Be like all those
Christadelphians.

496
00:37:57,880 –> 00:38:01,000
They’re judgmental, you know,
boy, judgmental

497
00:38:01,000 –> 00:38:04,800
Christadelphians, you know, but
but the the girl or the boy from

498
00:38:04,800 –> 00:38:08,640
the world, they don’t judge us
because they don’t have any real

499
00:38:08,640 –> 00:38:11,120
care for what God’s
righteousness is anyway.

500
00:38:13,480 –> 00:38:19,640
The the daughter of Shua about
Shua was not a God centered

501
00:38:19,640 –> 00:38:22,400
person.
So right and wrong in her mind

502
00:38:22,400 –> 00:38:25,120
had really nothing to do with
with God.

503
00:38:25,840 –> 00:38:28,760
And as a result she was going to
be pretty quick to see right

504
00:38:29,560 –> 00:38:32,680
where it suited her.
You know, in sympathizing with

505
00:38:32,680 –> 00:38:36,160
Judah at this point in time.
It really suited her.

506
00:38:36,600 –> 00:38:40,760
It was good for her.
But what happens when you marry

507
00:38:41,520 –> 00:38:46,760
a girl or boy like that, The
sympathetic one that seems to

508
00:38:47,440 –> 00:38:50,640
wholeheartedly agree with your
version of the story?

509
00:38:52,880 –> 00:38:57,480
Well, you find to your amazement
that she wasn’t really

510
00:38:57,480 –> 00:39:01,840
supporting your twisted version
of right or wrong for your sake.

511
00:39:03,320 –> 00:39:05,560
She was doing it because it
suited her purposes.

512
00:39:07,200 –> 00:39:14,440
And when what’s good for her no
longer aligns with what’s good

513
00:39:14,440 –> 00:39:20,000
for you, the sympathy
evaporates.

514
00:39:23,280 –> 00:39:27,640
See, there’s not integrity.
There’s not the commands of the

515
00:39:27,640 –> 00:39:32,560
Lord that we keep coming back to
that that frame and and help

516
00:39:32,560 –> 00:39:38,640
guide decisions, having and
being a a moral rock in our

517
00:39:38,640 –> 00:39:41,800
decisions and our relationships.
See, there’s only

518
00:39:41,800 –> 00:39:46,000
interpretation.
So should Judah have been

519
00:39:46,080 –> 00:39:52,280
surprised if the understanding
girl from the world suddenly

520
00:39:52,280 –> 00:39:55,560
stop being so understanding when
the circumstances didn’t suit

521
00:39:55,560 –> 00:39:58,760
her?
Now?

522
00:39:58,760 –> 00:40:06,280
I only bring this up because I
wonder how long was it before

523
00:40:07,000 –> 00:40:13,040
Bathshewa before Judah
recognized that Bathshewa?

524
00:40:13,920 –> 00:40:15,880
Was perhaps the worst mother in
the world.

525
00:40:17,360 –> 00:40:20,960
I mean, we know that that Judah
had some qualities that God is

526
00:40:20,960 –> 00:40:23,160
going to use and and redeem
within him.

527
00:40:24,080 –> 00:40:26,040
But look at the sons this woman
raised.

528
00:40:29,200 –> 00:40:31,960
One can only guess that they
were raised not according to the

529
00:40:31,960 –> 00:40:35,560
customs of Abraham and Isaac and
Jacob, but according to the

530
00:40:35,560 –> 00:40:39,800
customs of the Canaanites.
And compared to Canaanites, they

531
00:40:39,800 –> 00:40:43,960
were wicked.
I mean, how bad you have to be

532
00:40:43,960 –> 00:40:48,440
really for God to strike you
dead, right?

533
00:40:48,880 –> 00:40:54,160
And what are what are the two
precedents that that Judah would

534
00:40:54,160 –> 00:40:58,920
be able to reflect on of God
basically ordering some someone

535
00:40:58,920 –> 00:41:03,440
or someone’s death, the flood,
right.

536
00:41:03,640 –> 00:41:09,720
And and in the flood, what’s the
what’s the, the the phrase in

537
00:41:09,720 –> 00:41:13,560
Genesis 6, verse 5 is that every
inclination of the thoughts of

538
00:41:13,560 –> 00:41:16,480
their hearts were only wicked
continually, right.

539
00:41:16,600 –> 00:41:18,320
And what’s the other example
outside of the flood?

540
00:41:20,160 –> 00:41:24,400
Sodom and Gomorrah, right?
Absolutely woman, mysterious

541
00:41:24,400 –> 00:41:31,640
woman sitting next to Renee.
Hello, Sodom and Gomorrah, where

542
00:41:32,080 –> 00:41:34,760
they were wicked and sinners
before the Lord exceedingly.

543
00:41:34,760 –> 00:41:38,480
So we have two examples, people
who are wicked exceedingly and

544
00:41:38,480 –> 00:41:40,160
people who are wicked
continuously.

545
00:41:41,760 –> 00:41:44,080
Those are, those are Judah’s two
precedents here.

546
00:41:44,440 –> 00:41:49,200
So one gets the idea that that
ER was exceedingly and

547
00:41:49,200 –> 00:41:55,360
continuously wicked, wicked.
So.

548
00:41:56,320 –> 00:41:58,560
So you get the idea.
He’s not a casual Sinner.

549
00:41:59,840 –> 00:42:03,240
So where’s Judah?
Where’s Judah when ER and Onan

550
00:42:03,240 –> 00:42:07,560
are growing up?
Where’s the father that still

551
00:42:07,560 –> 00:42:12,440
had a conscience?
See, Judah knew right from

552
00:42:12,440 –> 00:42:14,960
wrong.
Absolutely he did.

553
00:42:15,320 –> 00:42:20,240
He knew right from wrong.
He just couldn’t bring himself

554
00:42:20,240 –> 00:42:23,640
to do it.
I can tell you where I think he

555
00:42:23,640 –> 00:42:27,960
was while his sons are being
raised in Canaanite fashion.

556
00:42:29,920 –> 00:42:32,520
I think he probably ran away
again, but this time to the

557
00:42:32,520 –> 00:42:37,200
flocks, like Jacob did.
See what happens when the

558
00:42:37,200 –> 00:42:38,840
marriage isn’t working out?
What do you do?

559
00:42:39,600 –> 00:42:41,760
You got to you got to eat your
fulfillment somewhere.

560
00:42:42,400 –> 00:42:43,880
Well, you throw yourself into
your career.

561
00:42:43,880 –> 00:42:51,480
That’s what you do, right?
So he’s out.

562
00:42:51,480 –> 00:42:57,120
I think he’s watching the flocks
anywhere.

563
00:42:57,120 –> 00:43:00,400
I’d like to be home with that
brawling woman and her sons.

564
00:43:01,800 –> 00:43:05,160
He probably found that trying to
raise his sons after the customs

565
00:43:05,160 –> 00:43:08,120
of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob
while living in a Canaanite city

566
00:43:08,320 –> 00:43:12,000
amongst Canaanites married to a
Canaanite was a tad harder than

567
00:43:12,000 –> 00:43:20,940
he thought it’d be.
So how long was it until Judas

568
00:43:20,940 –> 00:43:26,940
saw that his answer, Bathshewa,
was maybe the worst mistake he’d

569
00:43:26,940 –> 00:43:29,940
ever made.
And now he’s stuck.

570
00:43:31,520 –> 00:43:38,200
Now he’s added misery on top of
misery, problems on top of

571
00:43:38,200 –> 00:43:43,320
problems.
The beautiful Bathsheba had

572
00:43:43,320 –> 00:43:46,520
perhaps revealed a true
ugliness.

573
00:43:48,760 –> 00:43:57,120
And are we surprised when we
pursue beauty, money and power,

574
00:43:58,080 –> 00:43:59,840
how that doesn’t really turn out
for us?

575
00:44:01,880 –> 00:44:04,440
It’s not nearly as satisfying as
we hoped.

576
00:44:05,520 –> 00:44:08,880
So I think there’s a proverb
that summarizes Jacob at this

577
00:44:08,880 –> 00:44:18,480
time, Proverbs 27, verse 15.
A foolish child, uh, is a

578
00:44:18,480 –> 00:44:21,680
father’s ruin and a quarrelsome
wife.

579
00:44:21,800 –> 00:44:26,200
Bathsheba is like a constant
dripping of a leaky roof.

580
00:44:29,200 –> 00:44:35,640
And it was brothers and sisters
into this chaos that Judah

581
00:44:35,640 –> 00:44:39,840
brought Tamar, and it’s her part
of the story that we’ll take up

582
00:44:39,840 –> 00:44:40,280
tomorrow.