Dana Kohlman - Class 4: Bitter Thoughts (Exhortation)

Automatically transcribed. Accuracy is good but not perfect, and words are sometimes wrong. Trust the audio over the text.

1. 0:00

   Okay, we'll ask Brother Dana to come forth and give us his fifth class, Bitter Thoughts. Morning, everyone. There are three things to do this morning. We're going to do a little review. We're going to do an exercise, and then we're going to do a study. Okay, here's the review. Most of you know this now, but we've been talking about it.

2. 0:35

   In instruction, it really comes down to the first question. If you can't transmit to the audience what your first question is, you don't know it deeply, well, simply deeply, they're not going to get it. And at the moment that we start transmitting something other than the first question, any number of conclusions can be drawn when we're speaking or we're teaching.

3. 0:55

   The problem with this is it becomes even more complex. That is, okay, it might be that you know the first question. You want to say, okay, I want to transmit this message to my audience. But we do know this about that high-order, deep-seated learning that has to occur in the truth, that if you don't have the ethics individually to sustain it, people simply have already lost trust.

4. 1:14

   And it's a wicked thing that instruction is really that complex. And so it is in our community that if we don't do our one thing very well, that if we aren't prepared to speak vehemently and firmly about what the one thing that Christodalphians believe and teach is, we're going to have problems. We already know our words are going to come to the surface, but it's going to be compounded if we aren't clear about what our one thing is.

5. 1:38

   And we talked about our one thing was this message that God wants us to be free. And it's not about guilt. It's not about fear. It's not about shame. It is about joy. It is about peace. It is about learning trust. It is not about being offended. It is not about feeling darkness towards others.

6. 1:57

   It's about learning forgiveness moment by moment and day by day. Brothers and sisters, we learned we have to live the smartest way possible. So we're vehemently asking ourselves, so what does it come down to? Are the teachings of Christ perfect or aren't they? Is there some middle road that we can take? And I'm suggesting to you that in our mindset as we go about these things, that when we recognize that the teachings of Jesus are about freedom, that we can teach our children that the guidance of Scripture is perfect and will deliver them, that they will find a positive path and they'll be able to overlook our weaknesses.

7. 2:35

   Because it's one of the outcomes anyway of learning the truth, is that you have to learn to overlook the weaknesses of others. And if we can apply that to this notion that if we're single-minded about transmitting the freedom that God offers, that our children will learn that also. We looked also at some of the effective teaching strategies that instructional theorists put out there.

8. 3:00

   We know the role of experts. We know the role of experts vehemently. That is, when we're in the public, we have to go out of our way to get our best possible people out in front. People will listen to experts. We learned about the higher order items in instruction, the place of discussion as opposed to someone simply talking and talking and talking and talking, that we allow exchange and we allow other things to occur in our meetings.

9. 3:26

   We looked at the role of review. We looked at the role of engagement. We looked at the notion of higher order questions where we're de-rigor if we want people to think about the higher order outcomes that we're asking them to do or to learn. We learned about clarity of mind, that if we're going into instruction, that it's about the third most solid predictor of instructional success, that if you are clear in your mind about what you want your audience to learn, you're likely going to have success.

10. 3:55

    And we did know this about also engagement, that if we're asking students in Bible class or students in Sunday school to do things, that we're asking them to dig deep. It is better to do one thing well than three things poorly. If we are going to do studies that we dig deep, we make sure that our children and even the adults involved are learning larger order items and the deeper vocabulary because I think we'd all agree, if we do one thing well, it is better than doing three things poorly.

11. 4:26

    And then we talked about this as a refocusing exercise. We talked about Christadelphian expertise. We talked about how we're flesh experts. Now, I don't suggest that we get a little banner underneath the Christadelphian sign that says, we're flesh experts. But I do suggest that all of us remind ourselves that the psalmist said, he knows how we are formed.

12. 4:49

    He remembers that we are dust. God knows his creation. God knew right from day one that Adam was going to fail, that creation wasn't a mistake. It's not something that went flying off the rails. God knows his plan. God knows his plan. Our weaknesses are part of God's plan. And that we can be confident about that.

13. 5:09

    There is plenty of evidence for this. I think the stellar verse of this was Romans 11, 32, where it said, God has bound all men over to disobedience, that he might have mercy upon them all. We know that redemption was in God's mind right at the beginning. And brothers and sisters, I don't know about you, but having done that study, having come through it, having had some brothers and sisters to discuss it with, knowing that redemption was in the mind of God, that it isn't simply a byproduct or a band-aid that God applied, is a relief for me.

14. 5:41

    It's a relief for me because for 25 years, I've been trying to do the things of the truth, and I still keep coming back to some of the same issues I had from day one. So it's a relief that our God wants us to be free, and that salvation is not about perfection.

15. 5:58

    It's about direction. And so we came across this way of discussing our default forms of worship. We talked about how it is that we can go to various parts of the Gospels, and we can get a 12-point list of all the characteristics of the flesh. And that didn't, for me, anyway, satisfy the things that I kept coming up against, that the things in other parts of Scripture confirmed more so what the heart, the only evil continually heart was.

16. 6:35

    Do you remember the two fish? Remember the two fish? Some of you knew, so I'm going to share the two fish with you. Broadly, the metaphor I want you to remember is the two fish. So there's two fish swimming along, okay? They're swimming along, swimming along, swimming along. And as they're swimming along, there's another fish that comes towards them.

17. 6:51

    And as they're passing this one old fish, the old fish says to the two young fish, Morning, boys. How's the water? And the two fish say, Oh, fine, fine. They keep fishing, or they keep swimming along. And the two fish stop after a couple of minutes, and they realize, they look at each other, and they go, What the heck is water?

18. 7:10

    And then the point of that is, when we know the truth, and we know what Scripture says about the flesh, we understand that the water is our flesh. We're immersed in the flesh all the time. We're always going to forget, brothers and sisters. We're always going to doubt. We're always going to have muddled thinking.

19. 7:32

    We're always going to be self-engrossed. We talked about the hierarchies of values, and how we're going to worship beauty. We're going to worship accomplishment. We're going to worship IQ, always. It's always going to trickle to the top of our hierarchies of values, because that's the character we have. We're always going to default to fear and anxiety.

20. 7:54

    And by extension, when we know this, this power, knowing that this is the flesh, knowing this is part of God's design, this trial is his way of holding us to account, and finding out those that would be his. Don't you think it's appropriate, then, that we're able to also overlook the weaknesses of others?

21. 8:15

    If we know these are going to be our commonplace characteristics in our ecclesial life, don't you think it's far more easy, knowing that these are the things that we possess, that we can expect those fully in others? We have got to stop being surprised, brothers and sisters, when our brothers and sisters act as they always have.

22. 8:37

    And that, broadly, is a rough overview of the things that we've talked about so far. I love the demystification that has occurred in this study, that for me, it really opened my eyes to. The role of the flesh in God's plan. I now am going to ask you to do something completely different.

23. 8:58

    I said we're going to do two things, or three things today. The review, that was the review, and here's the exercise. What I need you to do, and I'm going to be checking, is I need you to close your eyes. And I need you to clear your mind of most things. As much as it depends on you, I need you to close your eyes.

24. 9:12

    And I need you to clear your minds of things that are in your mind. And I need you to think about the things that are in front of you. And what I want you to put in front of you is green grass. A lot of green grass. And as it's sort of a gray day, what I'd like you to do is I want you to imagine that the sun has come down and has warmed up that green grass, and that you're standing in the green grass, and that you can feel the green grass with your feet.

25. 9:40

    And it's a little bit warm from the sun. It's moist because it's green grass, and it's also warm. It's one of my favorite feelings, by the way. That was a complete aside. I need you to focus on the fact that in front of you, you can see a long way. It's all green grass.

26. 9:58

    And at a certain point off into the horizon, you can see the blue sky cutting into the green grass. So the only thing that is in front of you now is green grass and blue sky, and you can feel the warmth of the grass, and you can feel the moisture of the grass, and it's a wonderful thing.

27. 10:13

    And what I want you to do now is I want you to build two boxes. I want you to build two fairly robust boxes, big enough to put, say, a dishwasher inside. And I want one of those boxes to be white and one of those boxes to be black. All right? Now, what I need you to do is completely ignore the black box and just put it out of your sight for this time being, and I want you to focus on the white box.

28. 10:41

    And what I want you to think about in that white box is all of the good things that you have had in your life in the last three years. I want you to take snapshots and Polaroids of the various people and things that you have in your life over the last three things that were wonderful things.

29. 11:00

    I want you to remember the good people. I want you to remember the good moments. I want you to remember the good food. I want you to remember all of the wonderful things that you have in your life. And I want you to keep filling that white box with all of the good things that you have.

30. 11:19

    the people, the children, the moments, the people that make you feel good, the people that you trust. All of those things, and I want you to keep taking pictures and putting them in that white box.

31. 11:37

    Now, I'm hoping that it's really easy for you to fill up that white box. It is for me. It's not hard at all. Now, I want you to put that white box out of sight now. I want you to draw the black box into sight.

32. 11:51

    And what I would like you to do is think back over the last three years. I want you to think back over the last three years and think about all of the things that haven't been so nice in your life. I want you to think about all of the people, and I want you to take a picture of them, those people, and I want you to take a picture of them and put them in your box.

33. 12:12

    All of those people that hurt your feelings. All of those people who crushed your egos. And all of those people that made you feel small.

34. 12:24

    I want you to remember those moments and those feelings. I want you to remember the anger, and I want you to remember the hurt. all of those people that made you feel left out. All those people that made you feel misjudged. The people that made you feel wronged.

35. 12:49

    And I want you to think about how those people made you feel over the long term. So in your box, you have these pictures going in, but you also have little capsules of feelings that remind you that those people, when they wronged you, what you had a tendency to do was to think about the things that they did to make you feel bad.

36. 13:11

    Sometimes, those people, you relive the experience in a different way so you could feel the hurt differently. Those people that hurt your feelings became more bitter and more hurtful over a period of time.

37. 13:30

    When you think about the time you daydreamed about revenge, oh, I should have said, well, that really would have got him. Those sorts of things. I want you to think about all of that harsh and bitter stuff that has occurred in the last three years. The jealousy. The daydreaming about finding those people in awkward circumstances and getting them back.

38. 14:01

    All of the hurt that they have caused you. I want you to think about it and I want you to visualize it. Do you know, brothers and sisters, Scripture knows exactly how we think. Ephesians 4.31 says, get rid of all bitterness, rage, and anger, brawling, and slander, along with every form and form of malice.

39. 14:30

    Scripture knows exactly what we think. I've done this exercise a number of times and I had one sister say to me, I just couldn't fill up my white box. Another sister said to me, well, I couldn't stop filling up my black box. So I know there's all kinds and people have had all kinds of experiences with regard to being wrong.

40. 14:53

    But what I want you to think about, brothers and sisters, is how much time you spent thinking about being wrong. Over the last three years of all of the available optional thinking time, how much of your time have you thought about being wrong? And I want you to call to mind this verse.

41. 15:13

    Remember, we're thinking about all of the time you've spent thinking about bitter things and hurtful things. What is the ratio of time when you've had a choice about what you think about that you've thought about bitter and hurtful things? Romans 6.21 says, what benefit did you reap at that time from the things you are now ashamed of?

42. 15:38

    What possible value, brothers and sisters, has it been that we've spent thinking about things wherein people have hurt our feelings? What benefit has it been to us? And I would say to you that Scripture is very clear about it. It's virtually nil. There's no advantage to us at all one iota. And what's curious, and I need to do a little study with me now.

43. 16:04

    You can open your eyes, and I want you to follow along just for a minute. If you can, put your finger in Ephesians. Slide over and find Ephesians 4. Okay?

44. 16:26

    Simultaneously, keep a finger, and if you can, you don't have to, flip over again to 1 Peter 2, a little bit further on. And then, go back again now, and see if you can get a finger in Colossians. I'm going to show you something really curious. Okay?

45. 16:57

    Okay. If you're in Ephesians now, you're in Ephesians 4.31. Now, look at the commonalities of these passages. Now, I'm reading from, I think, the NIV. That is, when I printed this out, I think it was the NIV. So, if mine's a little bit off, it's just because I have a different version, but the commonalities should be the same.

46. 17:15

    Ephesians 4.31. It says, Get rid of all bitterness, rage, and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. And then, if you notice, in 1 Peter 2, verse 1, there's some very similar words. Now, I'm at 1 Peter 2.1. Therefore, rid yourselves of all malice and all deceit, hypocrisy, envy, and slander of every kind.

47. 17:40

    And then, third, very similar words again, Colossians 3, verse 8. It says, But now you must rid yourselves of all such things as these, anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips. Brothers and sisters, don't you think it's curious that over three letters, the Apostle Paul uses pretty much the same language?

48. 18:04

    And the two words that are common, for certain, I think even in most versions, is this notion of getting rid, casting out. No one is going to do this for us. I resent it. I resent this. This is work. It is terrible work to get rid of malice. But Scripture is saying that it is our obligation to do it.

49. 18:26

    There is no magic formula. It is work to make sure that we're not thinking about such things as these. And the second thing is malice. So our job here, unequivocally, is to get rid of the bitter thinking. Think about that time over the last three years that you've spent, if it were a choice, that you could have been thinking of something else and you've broadly chosen or we've broadly chosen to think of bitter things.

50. 18:52

    There's no benefit to us. I remind you again, Romans says, what benefit did you reap at that time from the things you are now ashamed of? And what just cracks me up about this, what I just find so fascinating, is the apostles aren't posers. In Titus 3, verse 3, they say, at one time we too were foolish, disobedient, deceived, and enslaved by all kinds of passions and pleasures.

51. 19:19

    We lived in malice and envy, being hated, and hating one another. What a wicked thing. And here are some brethren that have leapt forward in their thinking.

52. 19:31

    So here's the question then. If you could put a number to the amount of hours, of optional hours, you put into thinking about things that were broadly a waste of your time and simply were a matter of you rehashing the bitterness and the dark parts of your life. If I could give you back three years in the form of an agreement, if I could give you back the three years with the agreement that you not think about those things, what are the chances you could not think about those things?

53. 20:03

    If we had some magic way for me, I'll give you three years with the agreement that you don't spend that time thinking about those things. Well, here is the heart that is only evil continually. Our problem is, while we could make some improvement, we wouldn't swing it completely. That there is in us an inherent inclination to waste our thinking.

54. 20:28

    Just think of the message to Israel from Isaiah. They say to the seers, tell us, tell us, see no, sorry, they say to the seers, see no more visions and to the prophets, give us no more visions of right is right. Tell us pleasant things, prophesy allusions. And Jeremiah, a terrible and shocking thing has happened in this land.

55. 20:50

    The prophets prophesy lies, the priests rule by their own authority, and my people love it this way. Whether we're talking about the nation of Israel or we're talking about us, we have an inherent inclination to waste our thinking. Now, I thought about this for a long time. You know, I, like you, would much rather think about good things.

56. 21:14

    It's real hard work sometimes, isn't it? It's not an easy thing to think about good things. When I thought about it, I said, why is it? More often than not, when I'm thinking about these things, what compels me to think about bitterness and anger and hurt? I work in the public service. I work this close to people all the time.

57. 21:35

    You know, 70, 80, 90, 100 people in the building. I'm this close to people all the time. I work for people's children. And I can imagine, you know, a banker's job wouldn't be very, would be similar to this. Because when you take out, take people's money or take the children, the potential for drama is up here.

58. 21:52

    Really, really high. And I understand it. I understand it because my children go to school. I understand it vehemently. But what I'm saying is, when I'm dealing with those bitter situations and I'm perseverating on those bitter situations, I'm asking myself, okay, what is it that makes you keep coming back to this? And I'm going to suggest to you broadly that the pattern of our thinking, the pattern of our bitterness is broadly based in the esteem of men.

59. 22:28

    That at the end of the day, most of our bitterness is about the fact that we feel less in the eyes of men. It's got almost nothing to do with how God perceives us, but how our fellow men perceive us. It's about competition. It's about comparativeness. It's about appearances. I don't know about you.

60. 22:51

    I think you'd be a pretty exceptional person if you couldn't say this is true. But for some reason, in my mind, I want people to think I'm smarter than I am, which is really odd. But I want people to think I'm richer than I am and more put together and more grounded and more righteous and more pleasant and more decent.

61. 23:09

    I want people to have this notion of me that really broadly isn't accurate. And I get my feelings hurt when they get sometimes a fairly accurate notion of what I'm all about. And that baffles me. So I'm going to remind you, brothers and sisters, that much of our bitterness is rooted in the fact that we want people to think we're really doggone wonderful.

62. 23:32

    And our feelings are getting hurt when we perceive that they don't see this is wonderful. So I'm going to put this to you. At the root of our want or the approval of our fellow men are these verses. Here is Psalm 222. Why do you reverence men who are but a breath? I'm going to compare this to another verse, okay?

63. 24:01

    Why do you reverence men who are but a breath? Now you all know this. The reverence of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, right? Fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. That's the same word. Reverence. Reverence of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. Then, Psalm's asking, why do you reverence men who are but a breath?

64. 24:24

    In other versions, it has this. It's even more telling. Stop trusting in mere humans. Why do you reverence reverence men who are but a breath? Why hold them in such esteem? Why is it that we want the esteem of men? And why do we reverence it so highly? And it's got 100% to do with that perpetual hierarchies of values that's going in our head that makes us value things that are broadly worthless and ignore things that are of value.

65. 25:00

    Why do you reverence mere men? Then there's Isaiah. Isaiah 51, verse 12. It says, Who are you that you reverence mere mortals, human beings who are but grass, that you forget the Lord your maker? And this is a perfect example of what is going in our minds when we're thinking about our hurt when people don't think much of us.

66. 25:37

    I'm going to shift a little bit here. Almost everything that we've talked about this weekend in terms of discerning what our one question is is addressed by consciousness. We're obliged to be immensely conscious of what we're thinking about. And I came across this quote and it doesn't matter where it came from but this quote struck me because it's exactly true.

67. 26:06

    It says, The will of God is not something that you add on to your life. It is a course you choose. You either align yourself with God or you capitulate to the principle which governs the rest of the world. Now capitulate means to give in. It's one or the other. You either align yourself to God in your thinking or you simply capitulate to the principles that govern the rest of the world.

68. 26:36

    Now our expertise I say to you brothers and sisters is we know exactly what our thinking wants to look like. We know exactly the forms of worship that we devolve to. We are experts in this compliments of scripture. Here is a parallel verse to that quote. Since you died with Christ to the basic principles of this world why as though you still belong to it do you submit or capitulate to its rules?

69. 27:11

    Since you died with Christ brothers and sisters as we're breaking the bread this morning and to the basic principles of this world why as though you still belong to it do you capitulate to its rules? Why would we go back there brothers and sisters? We've been set free. Brothers and sisters we either align ourselves fully or we capitulate to the principles that govern the rest of the world.

70. 27:39

    Do you know that first part of the verse in Isaiah who are you that fear mortal men? Do you know the very first part is? It's I even I am he who comforts you. Look we have got to change the pattern of our thinking. We have got to get rid of all bitterness rage and anger brawling and slander along with every form of malice because we know it's rooted in the esteem of men.

71. 28:13

    Look at the portion of our lives we have deserved ourselves wasted our thoughts on bitterness. There is no benefit. What benefit did you reap at that time from the things you are now ashamed of? Those things brothers and sisters result in death.