Ben Brinkerhoff - Class 4: Reconciliation with Others

Automatically transcribed. Accuracy is good but not perfect, and words are sometimes wrong. Trust the audio over the text.

1. 0:00

   I want to start this morning by just bringing your attention to a verse found in Ephesians. I'd like you to turn there. It's not going to be on the screen. Right? It's Ephesians chapter 2.

2. 0:14

   And we're going to look at verses 4 and 5. Because we talked a lot yesterday about the God and how He is reconciling us. We talked on the first day about what reconciliation is and the fact that most people try to cover their sins with the sins of someone else. We call that false atonement.

3. 0:46

   We try to cover our sins and someone else's sins. And then the next day we talked about the fact of, we asked the question, who's the authority? Right? Because as long as you are the one who's making decisions about what's right and wrong, you have no need for conscience. You have no need for reconciliation because you've done what's right in your eyes.

4. 1:10

   You certainly don't need to come to God and ask reconciliation from Him because His right and wrong is not your right and wrong. And then yesterday we talked a little bit about, well, if we try to reconcile each other on the basis of covering our sin with the sin of someone else, and God tries to reconcile us on the basis of His righteousness, what is the establishment of that righteousness?

5. 1:39

   What was righteous? What could possibly have been righteous about the death and sacrifice of the Lord Jesus Christ who did nothing wrong whatsoever? We try to make the point that you can't actually reconcile with God on the basis of God, please forgive me, but you're wrong. That's not going to work. We can't reconcile with God on the basis of God, I want to be reconciled to you, but I'm God too.

6. 2:06

   God, I agree with you about most things, but hey, I read this in a book, and I think it's right. I don't need to seek forgiveness about that. And that actually, if you're that way, then the idea that God can be all in all with you, like completely unified with you, it sort of dissolves, right?

7. 2:25

   Because He can't, because there's something you're holding back from Him, which is His sovereignty. And we talked about the fact that when Jesus died, He shared our nature. And we had all that in common with Him. And this thing He had that said, my will be done. And He put it to death.

8. 2:46

   And by putting it to death, He contradicted what the serpents and the guard said. The serpents said, you shall not surely die. And what was Jesus doing? He was dying. And the serpents says, you're going to be like God, knowing good and evil. And the woman wanted to be wise. And what is Jesus saying?

9. 3:02

   Jesus is saying, this body deserves nothing but death. And I was saying to you that you shared that with the Lord Jesus Christ. You have that in common with Him. So if that's what He was declaring, He was declaring God was right when He died, and you are participating with Him in baptism, in that death and resurrection, you must then be declaring to God the same thing Jesus was declaring to God.

10. 3:28

    That God is right. And that your ability to perceive and to know good and evil on your own terms, and thus justify any kind of sin that you want to justify, because in your view it's right, has to be put to death. And God has provided a means to do that through what He's displayed in the Lord Jesus Christ.

11. 3:51

    But you might be left with the impression, upon hearing all that, you know, God almost seems like God's egotistical. He's just, God just wants to be right, you know? And maybe what's motivating God in all of this is He just wants to be right, and He wants to prove everyone else wrong, and maybe God's just kind of full of Himself in that respect.

12. 4:13

    I don't know if you thought that, but you could have been left with that. And I don't want to leave you there, and we're going to talk a lot about this tomorrow, right? But I just want to point out that God's motivation in what He did in the Lord Jesus Christ wasn't about being bigger or better than you, and proving that you're down here and He's up there.

13. 4:35

    I mean, God doesn't have to do that. God knows where His position is, right? The motive force between what God is doing is told to us in Ephesians 2, verses 4 and 5. And who has a real loud voice and wants to read that out?

14. 4:51

    Yep. Nate? Yeah, Nate, you have a loud voice. You read loud, Nate. Ephesians 2, verses 4 and 5. Please. But God, who is rich in mercy, for His great love wherewith He loved us, even when we were dead in sin, hath quickened us together with Christ. By grace, ye are saved. God, who is rich in mercy out of the great love with which He loved us.

15. 5:17

    The basis of God doing all this, the motive force behind Him doing all this, is not to prove that He's great and you're not great. The motive force behind all of it is His great love.

16. 5:34

    God doesn't need to make you one with Him because He needs you to validate Him or to make Him more God than He already is. The reason God wants to reach out in a process of bringing you back into oneness with Him is His love that He has for you.

17. 5:58

    But the condition of His oneness is that you recognize His oneness. And that requires humility on your part. But on condition of that, God will bring you into Himself. That's a yawn, Warren. That's a yawn. I got my eyes on you. Nathan, you haven't yawned yet. Right? The condition of God doing this is based on His love.

18. 6:29

    Right? And I want to talk a lot about that and we're going to talk more about that tomorrow. But today, I think this is actually the session today that you guys are going to like the most. because I think reconciliation with God, that sounds good and kind of sounds philosophic and a little bit technical.

19. 6:49

    But actually, most of your conflicts that you perceive to be conflicts are not issues with God but are issues with other people. Other people could be your parents or could be your friends or could have been the people that you thought were your friends that aren't your friends anymore. Right? Could be the person you sat at the table with yesterday that today you're not sitting at the table with them.

20. 7:15

    You know? Right? So, so this is where, when I was your age, this is where I really needed help. How do I reconcile with others? What are the biblical principles around reconciliation with others? Okay? Alright. So, let's begin then.

21. 7:37

    Now, raise your hand if you're baptized again. Some of the most of you. Jeez, that's a lot of you. That's really, really wonderful. Okay? So, so Sunday, on Sunday morning, you guys take the bread and wine. Those of you that are baptized. And there's a hymn, it's hymn 231, that says, we taste afresh the calm of sin forgiven.

22. 7:58

    That's what that hymn says. Now, take it from someone who is baptized, that every Sunday, I don't always feel that special calm of sin forgiven. Does anyone relate with that? I want to feel the calm of sin forgiven, but I don't always. Okay? In fact, that feeling of unease can sort of like stay with me even after I've partaken of the emblems because it feels to me like something still isn't right.

23. 8:32

    And I might call that feeling several things. I might call that feeling several things, but one possible cause for the feeling is guilt. I would know.

24. 8:46

    Guilt is the result of a conscience made sensitive by hearing God's word. Okay? Paul suggests that the development of a pure conscience is the effect and the aim of the spirit working in our lives. Right? That we're going to try to purify the conscience. So why might we feel guilt? Let me reflect on myself.

25. 9:13

    Right? I've sinned against God by breaking faith. I'm sure, I'm really sure that God's going to forgive that sin in Christ. But more complicated than I've sinned against God, at least to me, more complicated than I've sinned against God is instances where I've sinned by breaking faith with others. So what happens when I've sinned against you?

26. 9:43

    what about when I've sinned against my wife? What about when I've sinned against my employer? And I have a question for you. This is a very important question so listen up.

27. 10:12

    Can forgiveness in Christ relieve me of my responsibility to be reconciled to you? So I've sinned against you. Maybe I said something I shouldn't have. Maybe I talked about you behind your back and it got back to you and you got hurt. Maybe I was in a relationship and I wasn't faithful. Okay?

28. 10:35

    Maybe I got angry and did something I'm regretting. Right? And I'm baptized, right? And I'm down on my knees and I'm saying, God, God, forgive me for my sin against that person. And I get up and I'm sure that God's forgiven me. But I don't feel very good because I might be reconciled with God but have I reconciled with that person?

29. 11:05

    Have I reconciled with you? So here's my question again. Does forgiveness in Christ relieve me of my responsibility to be reconciled to you? Is it enough for me simply to get down on my knees and pray to God and say, please forgive me and it's done? Can I take the bread and wine and say, do you know what?

30. 11:32

    It's good. I'm good. It's all square. God's forgiven me. It's over. I don't need to be reconciled to other people. God's forgiven me my sin.

31. 11:44

    Okay? I think a lot of even mature adult Christadelphians in the truth, I think we get this confused. Okay? I want to unconfuse it for you. Okay? I suggest that the answer to this question by the way is no, which I'm sure you're not surprised by.

32. 12:05

    So under the law of Moses, let's go back to God's principles here. Under the law of Moses, God provided an offering specifically to cases where one's conscience was unrelenting. So you've done something, your conscience is unrelenting, and that thing was called a guilt offering. Or the King James puts it as a trespass offering, but I think almost all the more modern translations translate the trespass offering as a guilt offering.

33. 12:32

    Okay? Now the law of the guilt offering is found in Leviticus chapter 5 verse 14 through chapter 6 verse 7. Okay? So let's just go over that. Let's just go over that because I think there's some really wonderful principles laid out about how God might want us to handle these situations. Okay? I'm going to break it down this way.

34. 12:52

    Okay? Leviticus chapter 5 verses 14 to 16. These are trespasses against God where the trespass can be paid back. Okay? Fair enough. Chapter 5 verse 17 to 19 are trespasses against God where the conscience is guilty, yet it's not of a specific material nature and cannot be paid back. Okay? That's all good.

35. 13:13

    We're not going to focus on those. Okay? I just want to lay out the law as covers that, but we're not going to focus on that part. The last part we will focus on, these are trespasses against a brother where material harm has occurred and it can be paid back. Okay? Overall here is the theme that the rights of a brother and the rights of God have been breached.

36. 13:37

    Okay? That's what makes a trespass a trespass. I'll give you two interesting examples of things that are called trespass offerings in the Old Testament. Maybe they might even surprise you, but just to get your head around this, one is the leper. In Leviticus chapter 14 verse 12, when you were healed of leprosy, you had to provide a trespass offering.

37. 13:57

    You think to yourself, why do I have to do a trespass offering if I've been cured of leprosy? And the reason is that when you're a leper, you weren't able to serve. And so your lack of service, right, your inability to serve was considered a trespass and had to be, in a sense, reconciled.

38. 14:19

    Okay? Another example is in Leviticus chapter 5 verse 15, and this is a situation where when I offered a sacrifice unto God, what happens? I had to give a portion of that to the priest. Okay? You might recognize the story of like Eli and Hophni and Phinehas when they were taking their portion even before they should have, you know, because when I offered something I had to give a portion to the priest, but I might have held back that offering.

39. 14:48

    I might not have given it to the priest when I should have. Okay? That's a trespass, and so it had to be reconciled. So that's two examples were given in the Law of Moses about what trespasses are. Okay, so let's dig in then to the exact words in Leviticus chapter 6 about what the Bible describes as trespasses between brethren.

40. 15:10

    Okay? What the Bible is going to say to do about that. You guys follow me so far? Do you kind of want to, I mean, does anyone understand this guilt thing I'm talking about? Like, like I've hurt somebody. I've said something awful to my mom or dad, right? Has anyone said something awful to their mom and dad, you know?

41. 15:27

    Just me. Right? Okay. You guys are good kids. Really, really good. Right? I said something awful to someone else. My anger got the best of me. Right? I have guilt. Okay? So what am I going to do about that? Okay. Leviticus chapter 6 verses 2 and 3 from the RSV translation. If anyone sins and commits a breach of faith against the Lord by deceiving his neighbor in a matter of deposit or security, or through robbery, or if he has oppressed his neighbor or has found what was lost and lied about it, swearing falsely, in any of the things which men do and sin therein.

42. 16:11

    You notice I labeled those one to four. Right? So let's just kind of describe in maybe a little bit more familiar terms what these four things are. They're matters of trust where one leaves valuables in the possession of another for safekeeping and where they're lost. Okay? Even if it wasn't intentional. Okay? In fraud or robbery, you know, I've defrauded someone, I've robbed someone, something that they have.

43. 16:36

    I've oppressed someone or deceived someone, as the AV puts it. It's used for oppressing or deceiving someone of their wages. You know, I haven't given someone what they've earned something and I haven't given them what they've earned. Okay? Or in lying regarding to property lost or found. Right? These are these four examples given specifically.

44. 16:57

    But you might think to yourself, well, the thing I'm guilty about doesn't really necessarily find itself in those four things. Right? So, copper, what about if you're guilty about something that's not on that list? Are you guilty about anything, copper? copper?

45. 17:18

    I'm just messing with you because you're talking. So, right? So, what if something's not found amongst those four things? Right? What do you do that now you're paying attention? See, it works. Right? Well, actually, what the Bible does, it gives a cover all. Right? And the cover all it gives is in any of the things men do and sin they're in.

46. 17:43

    So, what's happening is that this is not meant to be an exhaustive list. You know, it's not meant to be, this is the only defined list of things where men can hurt another man, right? It could be other things. In fact, it's any of the things men do and sin they're in. Okay?

47. 18:04

    So, note for a moment, these are not sins of ignorance. This is not something I did by accident. I didn't defraud someone by accident. I didn't steal for someone by accident. Right? I didn't hold back someone's wages by accident. It's not, this is not one of those situations where I was ignorant. If I'm ignorant, it's not a trespass offering, it's a sin offering.

48. 18:30

    Right? If I sin by ignorance, it's a sin offering. This is not sinning by ignorance. This is sinning on purpose. You know? So, essentially, there's some kind of harm. that you've caused someone else. Now, the law is definitely talking about issues that relate to your conscience. I say that because if I stole something deliberately and I'm caught, I don't have a conscience about it, I stole something deliberately and I'm caught, then I have to pay a penalty.

49. 19:06

    And the penalty I have to range is from, like, I have to pay double back what I stole or I have to pay five times back what I stole. In fact, a good example you guys will probably remember is in Exodus chapter 22 verse 1. This is a guy in Australia stealing a sheep.

50. 19:21

    That's how they do it there. Right? Obviously, I gave these talks somewhere else. Right? So, you probably don't relate to stealing sheep, but nevertheless, you know? So, it's an issue of conscience rather than being caught because if you were caught, the penalties were different. Here's a man that was caught. If a man steals an ox or a sheep and kills it or sells it, he shall pay five oxen for an ox and four sheep for sheep.

51. 19:50

    And guys, remember when Nathan comes to David the king and he says to David the king, here's a story about a man who had a little ewe lamb and a rich landlord had lots of sheep and the rich landlord, rather than take one of his sheep, he took the man's little ewe lamb and dressed it for his guests.

52. 20:08

    And David is enraged and he says, that man needs to pay back fourfold what he stole. Right? Because David was just quoting the law. David knew the law. Right? So, if you are caught, the penalties are four times. So, we're not talking about the guilt offering is not about when you've been caught.

53. 20:28

    It's about your conscience. It's about you know you've done something wrong and you haven't been caught. Right? That's why it's called a guilt offering. In fact, the key verse is there in Leviticus 6, verse 4, when one has sinned and become guilty. Okay? So, this is what's happening in the guilt offering is you've sinned and you've thought about it afterwards and because your conscience is made, is developed by the word of God and you think to yourself, you know, that's not right.

54. 21:04

    what I've done is not right. It's wrong what I've done. And I think to myself, well, I prayed about it and I got off my knees in prayer and I still feel guilty about this. You know, I still don't feel like the matter's resolved. I still don't feel like the matter's over. You know, what do I do?

55. 21:22

    Right? What do I do with my guilt? How do I handle my guilt? guilt. Okay? So, when there's a guilt offering, God provides a method of reconciliation that's in two parts. Okay? So, what are those two parts that are meant to reconcile me if I'm guilty? Okay? According to the law of Moses.

56. 21:49

    Okay, number one, first part, he shall restore what he took by robbery or what he got by oppression or the deposit which was committed to him or the lost thing which was found or anything about which he has sworn falsely, he shall restore it in full. Okay? The first thing you do is restore the thing that was taken in full.

57. 22:11

    And then the second part is, and you shall add a fifth to it and give it to him to who it belongs on the day of his guilt offering. Right? So, remember, if you got caught, you had to restore fourfold. But if you turn yourself in, you got to restore what's taken plus a fifth, plus 20%.

58. 22:31

    Okay? So, those are the requirements. I don't know if you've ever done anything like this or if you can even begin to understand how humiliating this is. I mean, I can barely apologize to my wife for an angry temper. I mean, I know, I ever had those situations where you're in the car, right?

59. 22:54

    And those of us who are married, and your wife is giving you directions, right? And then you snapped at her and say, don't tell me how to drive. And then you're angry. And you know how you think to yourself, I really just need to reconcile this. What I should do is I should just put my hand on her knee and I should just do something like that this is resolved between us, but I can't do it.

60. 23:14

    Right? I can't do it. Right? Right? I just, what I trust, I just move to my side of the car a little bit more. You are in my bad book right now. Right? I mean, I can't even apologize for angry temper, let alone restoring in full and adding a fifth to it. This takes quite a lot of humility, I think.

61. 23:39

    Okay, so I want to read, you know, a parallel record to the guilt offering. The parallel record to the Leviticus 6 record is found in Numbers chapter 5 and it gives us a few more details. I actually think it's written in more approachable language. So let's look at the Numbers version of the trespass or guilt offering to see if we pick up a couple more clues about what God has to say about this.

62. 24:03

    Okay, Numbers chapter 5 verses 6 to 8. Read there. And the Lord said to Moses, say to the people of Israel, when a man or woman commits any of the sins that men commit by breaking faith with the Lord, and that person is guilty, he shall confess his sin which he has committed and shall make full restitution for his wrong, adding a fifth to it and giving it to him to whom he did the wrong.

63. 24:37

    But if the man has no kinsman to whom restitution may be made for the wrong, the restitution for the wrong may go to the Lord for the priest, in addition to the ram of atonement with which atonement is made for him. Okay, so what are the new details that we get from this?

64. 24:56

    Okay, I think this Numbers record adds four important details. They are, all trespasses are considered to be against the Lord even when the context suggests I've really harmed someone else. So, if I've harmed Lauren, right, I still have committed a breach to the Lord. I've hurt her, but I've also created a breach to God.

65. 25:18

    So there's two breaches that have occurred when I harmed someone else. There is a breach with God, and there's a breach with Lauren. So both things, okay? That's one detail. Secondly, the requirement is to confess. Okay? So, you have to tell the one you've trespassed against what you've done. And they may not know, right?

66. 25:42

    This is, what makes this restitution different than the four or five penalties. So, it's not a matter of I've been caught, right? This is not about being caught. This is about confessing. Okay? So, a requirement of the guilt offering is confession. Yes, question? Yeah. Could I just probably just be being a little bit tired?

67. 26:04

    I want you to help me simplify what we're talking about. Are we talking about a little bit of the process of reconciling the trespass? Are we talking about the process of bringing this to the Lord? Or is this about repairing the relationship with the Lord? All of the above. So, I could tell you about how to reconcile with other people.

68. 26:26

    But if I just gave you my thoughts and didn't consider God's process, then maybe I'm going to be on the wrong track. So, first, I want to consider God's process about how to handle guilt. And then once we understand what God has said about handling guilt, and God has said about the process of reconciling with one another, then we can reflect on that and say, what principles of that apply today?

69. 26:52

    Right? We're going to get there. Right? And if we don't get there, then I've trespassed against you, and I'll come back and I'll restore it plus 20%, promise. Okay? But not with peanut M&Ms. Okay? Okay. Okay.

70. 27:16

    Does that make sense where we're going? Right? I just want to consider God's word in this process first. Right? But I really am trying to get at reconciling with you, with other people. Right? Considering God's word first. Okay. The third detail. Even if I can't find a person because they passed away or there's none of their family left, I still need to pay.

71. 27:39

    So let's say that I've harmed someone and I've stolen something. Right? Against them. Stolen it. And then I can't actually pay that person back. Well, I have to pay to God. I can't say, well, I can't get a hold of that person. I don't, you know, I don't know how to get a hold of them or they've gone or God forbid they passed away.

72. 28:01

    Right? I don't need to pay that back. That's not good enough. I would then need to put it in the collection. Okay? I have to pay it back to God. I have to pay it back. I don't get to not pay it back because I can't get a hold of you. Okay? So that's the third principle that we learned about here.

73. 28:16

    And the fourth principle is all of this is beside the ram for atonement. So once this process is done, I then have to bring a ram for atonement to God. Because remember, there's two breaches. There's a breach with you and there's a breach with God. So I have to repair two breaches in this process.

74. 28:35

    Okay? So I got to do this before I bring the ram for atonement. Okay? You follow that? Those are the four extra details we might learn from the numbers record. Okay. So what's the process going on here? Okay? Let me just kind of review how this process looks. There's a pricked conscience, which is guilt.

75. 28:58

    Okay? There's confession. There's then repayment of what is owed. There's additional interest equal to one-fifth of the value. And there's sacrifice to God. Okay? In summary, basically, that is the process I need to go through with the guilt or the trespass offering. Okay. Any questions on that?

76. 29:28

    Good? Okay. Okay. Okay. Now, I want to pause for a moment. Who has paper? Raise your hand. If you have paper, can you supply paper to everyone at your table that doesn't have paper?

77. 29:47

    Some of you are rolling your eyes. I saw an eye roll right there, right there. Right? I don't mind your eye rolls. All right?

78. 30:03

    Get out the paper. Okay? Okay. Now, in silence, just to yourself, I want you to add at least one example of this. Everyone needs to do at least one. Okay?

79. 30:31

    Three boxes. Box number one. What am I guilty about? Box number two. Who is involved? What am I guilty about? Box number three. What needs to be repaid?

80. 31:02

    Yeah. Are you going to read them all out? I am not. Okay. Absolutely not. No, this is very personal. I 100% will... No one will look at this but you. Okay.

81. 31:21

    Are you not guilty about anything? I think. I think. Wow. That's amazing. Are you not guilty of anything? Guilty of being taken around the skulls. Right. Okay. Write it down. Okay. Okay. Okay. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

82. 33:08

    I can give you lots of examples, so I'll give you a couple examples while you just write. When I was about 10 years old, I went to Knott's Berry Farm with my school, and a guy named Ron and I were in a shop. And Ron says, why don't you distract the clerk at the front of the desk, and I'll steal a couple hats.

83. 33:30

    Right? Right? So, I don't know why, but I agreed to this. Right? So, I distracted the clerk at the front by asking some made-up questions. Ron put a couple hats in his bag, walked out. He took one. He gave me one. I felt so guilty about it. Right? I just, at the bus on the way home, I just handed the hat to the kids.

84. 33:53

    Hey, if you want a hat for free, it's for you. You know? I just couldn't wear it. Right? So, about four years ago, I contacted Knott's Berry Farm, and I said, when I was 10 years old, right, I stole. I stole. And they said, you know what, you're not the only person that's got a hold of us or something like this.

85. 34:14

    You know? There's this charitable account, and you can put money in it to cover the fact that you've done that. So, I did it. I added interest. And I paid it. Right? I carried that around from when I was 10 until I was in my 30s. Right? There's an example a couple years ago.

86. 34:34

    I was out with clients at dinner, and I kind of wanted to show off. And so, I bought a really expensive wine on the wine list, you know, to show off to my clients. Hey, you know? And my boss calls me into his office. He says, you know, you can't buy that kind of wine.

87. 34:47

    You know? Like, we're not, we're just not that kind of company that just flashes cash. That's not what we do. Like, that's, this is not our policy. And he said, you know, done. We'll just consider it done. But I don't want you to do that again. Well, I felt guilty about it. Right?

88. 35:01

    So, I basically got money out of the bank, and I went to our accounts department. I said, I just want to pay for the wine myself. You know? Like, and do you know what the reality of that was? Right? I'm never going to do that again. I'm never going to do that again.

89. 35:17

    Why? Because, you know, I repaired the breach. Lesson learned, you know? And I'm just talking about things that involve money, because transactional things are easy to explain. But what about what if I've been unfaithful to my wife? What about if I've lied to my wife? What if I've lied to my employer? You know, what if I've done other things, you know?

90. 35:38

    What about those things, right? How do I repair those things? You know? Like, you may be sitting here and thinking, I don't feel guilty about anything. I can't believe that's true. But that may be true. Right? But if you think to yourself, I'm not guilty about anything. I don't have any guilt. Then that's why I reflected earlier on who's making right and wrong here.

91. 36:01

    If you make right and wrong for yourself, then you're going to decide for yourself a lot of things you're doing are right. Just read the Sermon on the Mount. Get God's version of what righteousness is. And hold yourself up to that standard.

92. 36:21

    Right? So what happens here, right, is actually this process is not just archaic. It's not just Old Testament. It's not just about the blood of animals. Right? This is a process whereby I recognize a wrong. My conscience is pricked. I identify who is involved.

93. 36:47

    And I go about a process of determining how can I repair that. What can I do? You might think, well, this is just, you know, this is just an Old Testament thing. Is it really? Because didn't the Lord Jesus Christ say this in the Sermon on the Mount on Matthew chapter 5, verse 22 to 23.

94. 37:14

    So if you're offering your gift at the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother. And then come and offer your gift. Jesus might be, in effect, referring to the trespass offering here. In essence, in the trespass offering, I had to first reconcile with you before I reconciled with God.

95. 37:53

    I think this provides some instruction from the Lord about how we retain a conscience and we reconcile to our brethren. And we pay back what we owe. Perhaps this sounds, I don't know, does this sound easy to you? Because to me, this is very, very hard. The easiest examples are the ones I gave you, when there's something monetary going on.

96. 38:16

    That's the easiest example. Much harder when the pain is emotional. Right? You know, you might have to go to someone, and you might have to say to someone, you know, John, when we were kids, I really excluded you a lot from our groups, you know? And I didn't let you join. I know you kind of wanted to be part of it.

97. 38:54

    I was just, you know, I wanted to be like our group and not include you. I want you to know that I, that was really wrong of me.

98. 39:06

    And I'm sorry. And I don't know what I need to do to make that right, but I'm willing to make that right. Now, what I haven't done there is ask for forgiveness.

99. 39:22

    Right? Forgiveness is something that that person can offer, but it's not something I can take from them. Right? They can choose to forgive me, but that's for them.

100. 39:39

     What I can do is admit that I've done something wrong and ask what I can do to make it right. And do you know how embarrassing that is? Do you know how humiliating that is? Absolutely humiliating.

101. 40:03

     But it repairs broken relationships. But here's the issue, because I think it gets more complicated. Remember back to our first class, we talked about the balance of childlike thinking. And what were the two things on the balance? Hurts on one side and what? Sins on the other. So the issue is, what happens when I've sinned, but only because I've been hurt?

102. 40:37

     What happens when this is going on? Yeah, you know what? I've done some things that are wrong according to how the Lord would have me to act, but I was just defending myself, really. Because I was hurt first.

103. 40:55

     What do I do in this instance? And, I mean, one of the first things we recognize, right, is that grace doesn't work on this balance of childlike thinking. Like, God doesn't punish us for our sins, right?

104. 41:15

     And He doesn't let us off because we've sinned against someone else because we've been hurt. Like, God doesn't think that way. He doesn't think, your sin's okay because they sinned. He also doesn't punish you for your sins as we deserve, right? So God, grace just doesn't operate on this basis. Right?

105. 41:41

     So, by design, grace is not a tit-for-tat thing. It's not like, well, you've done this because I'm going to do this, and then you, you know, it doesn't, grace isn't really looking to balance this thing up, right? So, so, so grace will never conform to this balance of childlike thinking, right? And actually intends to completely displace it.

106. 42:02

     But the question remains, like, what do we do? What do we do when we've sinned against people, but we've actually really been hurt? And we're still carrying around those hurts. You know, like, I rebelled against my parents, but that's because when I really needed them, they were focused on their own relationship problems, or they were focused on one of my siblings.

107. 42:23

     They're, or my dad's always at work. He's never paying any attention to me. So yeah, I disrespect him a little bit, but you know, he's not holding up his end of the parenting bargain. What do I do then?

108. 42:36

     Okay, so just imagine for a moment, just imagine for a moment, what I did is I forgave someone there, because you think to yourself, well, I should forgive. If I've been hurt, I should forgive. That's the biblical admonition. If you've been, you know, forgive. If I've been given grace, I ought to give grace to someone else.

109. 42:55

     If I, if God's forgiven me, I should forgive them. We think that's, that's probably, that's probably good. I should do that. What I should do is I should just forgive people. Right? But remember that breaches are two ways. I've breached against God, but I've also sinned against you. I may have repaired my sin with God, but I, my sin against you, which I'm still guilty about, because I really kind of know it's not repaired.

110. 43:19

     Right? I'm still guilty about it. Even though God forgave me for stealing that hat. You know what? The hat was still stolen. And that company lost that money in their inventory because I stole it. That had not been repaired. The breach was two ways.

111. 43:38

     So there's, I still have sin sitting here. Not that I'm saying that God can't forgive those. I'm not saying they're going to keep me out of the kingdom. I'm just saying there's a breach there that hasn't been restored. It hasn't been reconciled. Okay? So what if I just forgive the hurts? What if I just do that?

112. 43:52

     Well, then my balance looks this way. And frankly, I don't like this balance. The reason I don't like this balance? This balance makes me feel, well, how would I like to feel with a bunch of sins with nothing to balance them out with? How does that make me feel? So actually, for most people, for most people, they prefer this than this.

113. 44:17

     Does that make sense? They would prefer to hold on to the hurts and not forgive to have forgiven the hurts and still be beholden to the sins. So they don't let go of the hurts. They nurse the hurts. They think about the hurts again. They think about them again and they add intention to them and the hurts get bigger.

114. 44:45

     We think, my mom really wasn't there for me, actually. You know, she just kind of abandoned me. She did her own thing. Right? And, you know, I wasn't very nice to her, but she kind of deserved it because, you know, she wasn't there for me when I needed her. And it's okay that I've been rebellious.

115. 45:03

     And it's okay I haven't obeyed. Because I was hurt first. And we think about it and we hold on to it. And we stay unreconciled.

116. 45:19

     Most people need blame. They need blame. They want fig leaves. The woman thou gavest me. That's how most people think. That's natural. That's what we all do. We think, the woman thou gavest me. She partook of the fruit and she gave it to me. We blame. That's a fig leaf. We cover our sins with fig leaves.

117. 45:45

     We cover our sins with blame. It's what happened in the garden. It's what we still do today. And it doesn't repair the breach. Okay? So what do we do? Okay? I'm going to read this out because it's important. I don't want to say it wrong. Okay? The solution for the balance of childlike reasoning is not often found in forgiving the hurts you have endured.

118. 46:13

     We think, God's forgiven me. I should forgive others. Of course you should. That's scriptural. But how do we do that when there's someone else to blame? In practice, you should think, God has forgiven me. I should also seek the forgiveness of those I've hurt and sinned against, no matter how justified I felt.

119. 46:41

     once you've sought their forgiveness, you'll find forgiving the other person of the hurts they've done to you is the natural result. That's different. I should also seek the forgiveness of those I've hurt and sinned against, no matter how justified I felt. And so what happens in that instance? Well, in that instance, I take away the sin.

120. 47:31

     So now once I've taken away the sin, and forgiving the hurts, I've let them go. Why do I let them go once I've taken away the sin? Because I don't need them anymore to justify my rebellious attitude.

121. 47:54

     And once I don't need the hurts, I can forgive them. I can forgive them. So what's the process then? A pricked conscience. Starts there. Starts there. A pricked conscience. We faithfully recognize that we are wrong and God is right. So even if we've done wrong in response to someone else's wrong, we recognize that we've done a wrong.

122. 48:35

     Through humility, baptism, and repentance, we receive forgiveness of God. Now really, we should be seeking forgiveness of God according to the Old Testament model after, but I don't think that's how it works in the New Testament. I think grace has supplanted this process. I think God forgives us first. That's how it works in the New Testament.

123. 48:54

     Different than the Old Testament, but frankly, this is just how it works. God's forgiven that. That sin you can get into someone else, you prayed about that, you asked God for forgiveness, He forgave it. He separated it from you as from the East as from the West. You sought that forgiveness. That is forgiven in God's sight, but there's still a breach.

124. 49:15

     Seeing our wrong, we then seek the forgiveness of others we've sinned against. If appropriate, we restore what we took away with interest. Doing this, we can forgive the sins others have committed against us.

125. 49:37

     We are first the recipient of grace. Then being touched by the enormity of the sins forgiven, we can forgive others. Yep, Josh. So, if you base it off of that verse that Christ said, that, you know, if you bring your offering to the altar and you still have a, you know, a quarrel with your brother, leave your offering and go and resolve it first.

126. 50:08

     Right. So, shouldn't we resolve before we ask for forgiveness to God? I think we absolutely should, but I want to make clear to you that if you take that sin to God and you have not reconciled with your brother, God will still forgive it because that's what God's like. God is loving and he is gracious and he is forgiving and he will forgive that sin.

127. 50:30

     He will forgive that breach. You know, but what Christ has asked us to do, right, is to leave the gift at the altar. So, we think, if we come to the Sunday morning emblems, because you're baptized, right, Josh and Lance and others here, right? Casey, you're baptized, right? Not yet. Okay. I'm sorry.

128. 50:48

     So, you, if you come to the emblems, you think to yourself, yep, you know, there's that thing. Don't think, I'm going to take the emblems and then, you know what, I'll just kind of ignore it, it's done with. Right? Go do something about it. Restore that. God would have you do that. God would have you act towards others the way he has acted towards you.

129. 51:19

     Right? And the reality of this, right, is when you go to your brother and you say, ignoring what they've done entirely, you go to your brother, Josh, and you say, you know what, I was wrong in what I did. I'm very sorry. I don't know how to make this right, but I'm willing to.

130. 51:44

     Do you know what gift you're giving them? Do you want a gift of grace? Because do you know what they could be doing? Even though they sinned against you, they could be thinking, that Josh, he sinned against me. And they could be holding up and justifying a bunch of sins on their part, because they're angry at you.

131. 52:02

     And suddenly, once you seek their forgiveness, it's relieved on two sides. Not only you reconcile to them, but very often, they'll also be reconciled to you.

132. 52:27

     So, brothers and sisters and young people, were there recipients of grace? Oh, there's another question. Yeah, Kate. That's fine, because I can't ask for it. Do you know what I'm saying? Forgiveness is a gift they have to give. If I demand the gift, I relieve them, I take away from them the benefit of offering it as a gift.

133. 52:58

     Right? And it's hard when that happens, isn't it? But at least you can walk away and say, I've cleaned up my side. My side is clean. You know, I don't know what else I can do. I've told them I'm willing to do what I can.

134. 53:19

     So, young people, listen, my time's up. Right? I hope this is helpful to you. I can tell you, and I've left out the more egregious of my examples, but I hope you know that this process, it works. And if you have broken relationships, broken relationships with friends, feeling betrayed, parents,

135. 53:50

     siblings, that you can use this means to get peace and reconciliation. Because really, the spiritual admonition is, be ye kind with one another and tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God, for Christ's sake, has forgiven you. Thanks. Thank you.